So weary

We found nothing.

His hat was found near the water, and the divers were in again as we left.

Nothing. Not yet.

We left in convoy at dawn this morning...all those wonderful people who had given up their day to help search the river banks. I cannot tell you how cold it was. I swear that wind comes straight from Siberia. Icy. It chilled you to the marrow. We all looked like blimps, and I had my scarf wound round my head, under my hood. This is fen-land, and fen-land is flat. And bleak. Very bleak.

The search was so well organised, and there must have been more than 100 volunteers there. We were in teams or 4 or 5 people, and were briefed as a team by the police, all our details taken down, given hi-vis jackets, and told to phone in anything. We had to register when we left and when we returned. TV cameras were there, and reporters, and the family were all so overwhelmed to see so much love and support.

Our team, (I was with David, Louise and Simon) set off to search the west bank of the river for a +/- 4 or 5 mile stretch. We went up one side and then back down the other, swapping with the other team. Wading through reed beds, mud and very steep high banks. We were walking at an angle most of the time, and our feet ache like you would not believe. We looked everywhere. We searched the opposite bank with binoculars, just as the team on the other side did for our side. And the wind was unbelievably strong and cold. Thank heaven for leki poles - they were invaluable. I was on the mud flats for a while, and at one stage, even in walking boots, with a leki pole, I simply could not get up the bank. I had to retrace my steps to a part which was easier. And all the time you are thinking...... if I can't get up, how could he have managed? If I am so cold, how could he still be alive if he had been in the water too? Hyperthermia?

Physically and emotionally exhausting. We so wanted to find something. Anything. The support was amazing. Food stations with hot drinks and hot soup, and sandwiches. There was so much. When I popped into our local store this morning on the way, Michael, who owns it, donated a case of high energy drinks when he heard where we were going. So kind.


So here I am at home, and in need of a long hot bath to ease the aching muscles and bones. But at least they ache. I can feel. I am alive. Jono?? Realistically speaking, it would take a miracle of epic proportions. I have to keep believing in miracles.

I am so glad we went. I am so glad that we tried. I am so sad we didn't find him.