Randomness revisited.......

It has been quite a week. And it is just Wednesday. It has been marked by an inability to sleep when I go to bed, and an overwhelming ability to sleep when I sit down on the couch. Sigh. My body clock is up the creek.

I always knew this was going to be a tough week. And there have been unexpected added extras .......

1. A friend's mother died on Monday.
2. Photocopied another file. More than a ream of paper. And a leg which did not appreciate being stood on.
3. Could not sleep. In bed at midnight. Up at 3am.
4. I saw my GP yesterday and totally forgot why I made the appointment 2 weeks ago.
5. Still can't remember.
6. I have conceded the need to keep taking the meds. Defeat in one way and reality in another.
7. Ate chocolate cream cakes with Jean. She found them reduced so we were obviously meant to eat them.
8. I saw the pain specialist yesterday too. Nothing more they can do. Just keep on doing what I am doing and accept limitations. Wonderful.
9. Could not sleep. Up at 3am etc etc.
10. A friend's father died today.
11. Went to see lawyers today. Had to go over the whole G thing from the start. Over 2 hours of the whole story all over again. Ceremoniously surrendered the files to her. 3 years of work and blood, sweat and tears. It could take months still, but the whole thing is in motion now and I am not fighting alone any more. Praying for a swift conclusion and a miracle or 2. One big positive is that she knows what CRPS means, knows about Bath being a centre of excellence, and knows all the problems associated with CRPS. Without me saying anything. Eureka.
12. Home to fall asleep on couch for hours. Many hours.
13. Scoffolding down on monstrosity behind. It has not improved the look. At.All.
14. Tomorrow........... final meeting with the school, which is going to mean dismissal on medical grounds.
15. Then maybe, just maybe, I will get to sleep and wake rested on Friday morning. And start trying to find me again.
16. After burning 2 dinners last week, I invested in a slow cooker. Now have to learn how to use the thing. Sandra ......... I need help!!!

You know, on the way home from the lawyers today, I was discussing timing with Glynis, and I suddenly thought that, had I got lawyers involved before now, it would all have been different, because we would not have known about the mistakes with the valves. This is the right time. For one reason or another, even when I went to check out some lawyers before, something has always been not quite right. I am glad I waited. Or, let's be accurate here, was made to wait.

So, I am sorry I have nothing light and frivolous to expound on today. Maybe next week. Oh wait.....next week is mammogram time and other assorted delights. Groan. Life is just a frenzy of fun and excitement around these parts.

Thank heavens the sense of humour is still showing some feeble signs of life.

Mums and other wonderful things.......

It is Mum's birthday today! Happy Birthday, Mum! I swear she has more energy than Marge and me combined, and never seems to age at all. Marge and I say frequently that if we ever get to 84, which will probably require a miracle or three, we will be wrecks. Mother on the other hand, is amazing.

The photo was taken this summer, next to the lake. One of her absolute favourite things is to go on the lake steamer. She loves being on the water, and it is a wonderful way to relax because there is absolutely nothing to do except sit back and enjoy the trip. Please note the hair. I am greyer than my own mother, under the highlights. Sigh. She has never coloured her hair. That is the real thing. Bigger sigh. And that stick she is holding, please note, is MINE. Not hers. I need a stick. Mother does not. That says it all.

Anyway. Both Marge and I know we have been incredibly blessed to have her as our Mum. The whole family adores her, and she is wonderful. And once she reads this, her head will be too big for her hat. We love you, Mum!

My morning involved sharp objects. I went to await delivery and installation of a new dishwasher for some friends of mine, and the delivery men arrived, and took one look at the old dishwasher and informed me that they were " not allowed to disconnect old appliances". So I told them to move out the way, and hauled the old one out, and, muttering righty tighty, lefty loosey to myself, I switched off the plug, closed the water off, and removed all pipes. Then stood up and told them to get on with things.

10 seconds later, they informed me that they had a problem. The outlet pipe was too big to go through the hole in the side of the cupboard to the drain. "We will have to leave it" they said. I think not. I told them to stop right there, grabbed a kitchen knife, and buried myself in the cupboard, and sawed through the wood until the pipe fitted. There is nothing like taking a kitchen knife to one's friends' kitchen units. Believe me. There was no way I was letting them leave without finishing the installation. Strike one for me. Not sure about the knife though. It may never be quite the same again.

So that was the first of the sharp objects. The next collection of very sharp things was at the hospital, where I had the last (of this set) of my acupuncture appointments. Not pleasant. I am not at all convinced they have worked. I will reserve judgement. Apparently I can have another series in a month or so if I want them. We will see. Right now I am not thrilled at the prospect.

So there you have it. Oh, here is a photo of my new best friends. The gloves I talked about.

One of them. I have not mastered the art of taking a photo of both my hands together. I can't tell you how wonderful they are. They are not even a week old, and look as though I have worn them non-stop for 4 years. Maybe I need more than one pair.......

I have not forgotten Psalm 46. Tomorrow. I am not doing a thing tomorrow. I need to recover from the sharp stuff!

A cold autumn day.......

I have just had a poxy little blue box appear on the tv screen saying that I am about to lose my free channels. I need to get a new viewing card. Screech. I cancelled our Sky subscription when Geoff died, and have been just getting the free satellite channels, which has been ok. Not great, but better than nothing, and now they want me to go and buy another card. I am less than impressed. Buying a new card does not even begin to feature on the List.

Just one of the little things in life which irritate one. I am definitely irritated.

I have taken life very slowly today. I did indeed fall asleep on the couch the moment I sat down yesterday evening, and woke at midnight. Last week was a mega week, and I am still feeling it. Next week will be another mega week, so I am trying to drift rather than march, if you see what I mean. I have spent a great deal of today on the phone to lawyers etc, and we have more meetings scheduled for next week. I have also taken down the last 2 posts for now. You can email me direct if you have any questions or answers. But things are starting to move at last. Slowly.

It has been really cold today. If I had been a little more active, I might not have noticed it as much as I have done. Thank heavens I got some fingerless gloves. They are my new best friends. I can even use the computer while wearing them! I would love to crochet some like the ones at Attic 24 - Lucy is absolutely amazing, and her blog is such a delight. If you haven't visited her before, run over as fast as you can right now at check it out. And she can crochet.....oh yes. I dream of arriving on her doorstep clutching some snuggly wool and a crochet hook and begging for a lesson. I want to be able to make a ripple blanket too. And birds. And flowers. And especially those wristwarmers. What a pity I have not got the faintest idea how to start. Groan. Her blog makes me smile. I just love it.

But please come back after you visit her....hello??? Are you still there??? Maybe not. If you don't know her yet, you will be wading through her archives, so I may as well sit here and chat to myself for a while.

Mumble. Mutter. Stupid tv. Coffee. Maybe that will cheer me up. I need chocolate.

Right. I need to snap out of the Mood. Here are 5 more things I am thankful for:

1. Being able to talk to my family
2. New gloves
3. Warm and cosy bed
4. A lawyer who is going to make a difference
5. Hot coffee right here next to me

So much more I could add too. Remind me to tell you a little about Psalm 46. You will not BELIEVE what happened. If ever there was confirmation that God takes care of the details, my Psalm 46 story is it. That can wait till tomorrow.

Shared lunch...

20 people arrived for shared lunch today, and we all had a great time. Once a month, friends take turns to host a shared lunch after church on Sunday. This month it was my turn. It is great, because once upon a time, we all went to the same village church, and now we all go to different ones all over the place, and this is a way we all keep in touch and get to relax, chat and eat together. There was a great deal of eating involved today. So much food! Babies, children, noise, laughter and fun.

It is good. So good that I forgot to take any photos.

I have now restored the house to a semblance of normality and I have to say every part of me aches. I do believe tomorrow will be a slow day. Pacing myself. But I loved it all, and it is worth the aches.

I am looking around as I write, trying to think of anything I need to do while I am upright, because the moment I sit down and relax, I will be there to stay. You have no idea how it all seizes up. I feel it coming on rapidly.

So a good day. I hope you are all having a lovely Sunday too!

The warrior is back.....

So today is Tuesday. This is worthy of note, because tomorrow is Wednesday. Tomorrow is the day I am going back to Oxford for 2 more Inquests. Not for Geoff, but for 2 more of the people who died like he did. Unnecessarily. There is every chance they will be adjourned because they do not have all the information needed.

And today I had a call from a lawyer who will be there observing both Inquests, as her (very large) firm has been appalled at the fact that there has not been any big investigation into the fact that 7 people (she says) have died so far. They found out and have been tracking events from the Medical Alert issued when the heart valves were withdrawn from use in the EU last year.

I have been praying for an angel, people. I am tired of this warrior mode I have been in for the past 3 years. I have nothing left in me. And maybe she is the angel. Who knows. I do know that we are meeting at 9am tomorrow. So a multitude of prayers would be appreciated. Many multitudes, in fact. And please continue those prayers all day. One Inquest in the morning, and one in the afternoon, and then we start on talks re re-opening Geoff's Inquest again. And this time, there will be lawyers, barristers, and whoever I can get there. Bring it on - the gloves are coming off.

Miracles do happen. I believe that. There could be a miracle too, if someone stands up and says - Enough. We blew it. We are so sorry and accept full responsibility.

Yes, I know, it is naive of me to hope for that, isn't it. However, as I said, miracles do happen. In the end, truth and justice will prevail, of this I have no doubt. I have NO idea how this has been kept out of the press, by the way. But tomorrow, there will not just be two families alone vs the hospital, because I will be there with my 2 wonderful friends, and the lawyer, watching and listening. And holding fast to the promise in Psalm 46.

My papers are ready. My brain has slipped into medical mode again, and adrenalin is surging through me. This is not promoting a peaceful and/or relaxing afternoon or evening.

For so long I have refrained from talking about details, but you know, now I am beyond caring. You will be hearing it all. Geoff died from a massive mistake. Whether the valve was faulty, or the hospital failed to follow procedure and didn't wash the toxic chemicals it was stored in off it before planting it in his chest, the end result is that they killed him. His heart disintegrated.

He did not have to die.

And October 2009 will be history in a few hours.....

The last day of October is almost over, and with the setting sun, no doubt the kids around here will be out to collect their loot. Some years we have no callers, and some we have streams of them. You can guarantee that tonight we will have streams as I have very few sweets on hand. It is the way things go.

Halloween is not a huge thing in the UK, but every year it seems to get bigger, and the shops have been full of paraphenalia this year. I have to confess that I am not a fan. I have no problem with the dressing up bit, it is the creepy side which I don't like. The churches have Light Parties instead, and I am far happier with that idea.

It is all about culture, and the way we grow up and the traditions of different peoples and places. We have Bonfire Night on 5th November - Guy Fawkes. Harvest Festivals at churches. We celebrate the bringing in of the harvest, and this I can identify with, particularly as I happen to live in a village in the countryside. Blending of cultures is always going to be interesting though!

I have been trying to get the garden sorted. It is a very slow process, given that my chief labourer is off at university enjoying himself. There are times when I really need his strength to do the heavy stuff. He is incredibly strong, and makes it all seem so easy. It was so funny to hear him issuing instructions re lifting to his mother when he was home in the summer - what not to do etc. I heard my own words over the years come back to me. At least he listened!

Ah well, it doesn't matter how long it takes. We don't have winters like my sister does. Putting her garden to bed for the winter is a mammoth task. Fleecing, barking, wrapping, protecting, tossing out all the summer plants, emptying pots, taking cuttings, saving seeds, putting away anything that may freeze, all the garden furniture...... it is an epic job. And she has a BIG garden.

I have the pots ready for the spring bulbs, and the builder behind has given me a bag of tulips he had spare too, so there is a lot to plant out. The pots are all in the squirrel fortress. I will not have those pesky things digging up all my bulbs this year. They have already dug up most of the ones in the beds. And I can't tell you how many peanuts I have found sprouting green things in the pots as I got them ready. I do not need peanut trees, or whatever they grow into.

So I may just have overdone things a trifle in the past 2 days. The couch calls. Strictly Come Dancing is on soon, and that is where I will be. On the couch watching.

Happy Halloween, to those of you who celebrate the holiday! Happy weekend to those who don't!

Ta da.......!

The Happy Quilt. I put it on my mother's bed to take the photo. It is bright. Happy. Perfect for miserable winter days. If I were to become Prime Minister, I do believe I would issue an edict compelling everyone to wear bright clothes in winter, paint their houses instead of all the grey and brick around, and smile.

And now on to another project......

Tuesday again.......

Well, we are reaching the home straight on the Happy Quilt. It is bright. BRIGHT. I went to our local patchwork shop to find the right binding this afternoon, and had to come home and fetch it to check colours, and the consensus is that it is "colourful". They liked it - well, the ladies on a course there liked it anyway - and I went with the majority opinion for the binding. I listen to advice. Hahahahahahha. I am learning to listen, that is. You will see it when it is finished.

While I was there, I mooched about drooling over the fabric, and found some wonderful pieces which I resisted buying. I have the sudden urge to make a leaf quilt. This is not on the plan. But it would look so beautiful with the autumn stuff in the lounge. Maybe I will put it on the list for next autumn. We will see. I have a few things lined up to do over the winter first, before the hands stop working.

Tomorrow is needle day again. Yep, I am back to acupuncture early in the morning. Glynis is taking me, and has tried to sweeten the pill by suggesting we have tea at a garden centre on the way home to check out the Christmas things. Sounds good to me. Thank heavens I have already had a few chats with friends, and we have agreed that, much though we love each other, we are going to cut out Christmas presents from now. What a relief. I have no idea what I am making this year. My recession heaters were a great hit last year, and now I need a new idea. One which will be stunning and cost me very little. Nothing would be even better. As in cost me nothing. I have a good stock of "stuff" to make things, so I am ever hopeful.

Missy, on the other hand, is sorted. I bought her present for this Christmas before she was even born. A doll and stroller. On sale. And we have also managed to secrete a few more bits in the cupboard over the year. Geoff would be grinning and shaking his head at this point. He thought my early shopping for Christmas was a little loopy.

Strange I thought of that right at this point. Of him. Next week, I am going to spend the day in the Coroner's court, at 2 separate Inquests for other people who died like he did at the same hospital. I have been asked to attend by the Coroner. Maybe we will be one step closer to answers. Who knows.

And now I am off to finish cooking some supper. I do it in stages, because standing is not the easiest thing in the world.

I will be back.

Nearly 40 years ago....

I was chatting to an old school friend on Facebook yesterday, and we suddenly realised that in 2010, it will be 40 years since we all matriculated. 40 YEARS. Good grief. The school we went to was an academic powerhouse, and all girls. Strict rules, and hard work. And, it has to be said, loads of fun. I loved my school days, and while I know there are those who were there when I was, who have less than stellar memories of the place, it played a massive part in shaping who we have all become.

Some of my friends and I have stayed in touch all these years, and we pick up our friendships with the greatest of ease when we all get together. The command of the english language was obviously something we all mastered back then. I remember the debating society meetings after school - did any of you have to do parachute debates? We certainly learned to think on our feet.

So I got out my photo album. I did a photographic diary of the last year of my schooling, and it includes the massed photo of our year. All 98 of us. Our hair had to be tied back if it touched our uniform collars, and so 89 of us have long hair. 27 of us have the name Ann(e) in our names somewhere. Everyone who applied for Matric Exemption (university entrance) got it, and 68 got First Class passes. As I said, it was an academic school.

We all had choices, and had to do 6 subjects for Matric. I did English, Afrikaans, Maths (all compulsory), History, Latin and Physics and Chemistry. I never did learn how to balance chemical equations. Sport was also very important, and inter-school sport was incredibly competitive. As was inter-house competition. And the extra-mural activities were many and varied, and I confess, I threw myself into the lot. Choir, Scripture Union, History, Science, Debating Societies, you name them, I was there.

Where was I ..... the old friends I have stayed in touch with over the years. Yes. We are friends NOT because of the school, but because we happened to meet at the school. We shared experiences, and discovered shared interests, and grew up together. Had we gone to a different school, I think we would have still become close friends.

But looking though the list, there are a few girls who names I had to look up, you know. I used to know them all, of course, but it is 40 years ago, and there were 98 of us! Girls I didn't know much about. Girls who were at school with me all those years - some of them all 12 years of schooling, and I have no idea of who they really are, or were. I wonder what I missed. What we may have missed. It intrigues me, you see.

Fiona and I can account for a great many of our old school friends. We also know that some have died. Way, way too young. Some never married, and others did, and there have been quite a few divorces too. Some are grannies, and some started their families much later than others. Lots have scattered to the 4 corners of the world - Canada, Australia, UK, USA, Europe, New Zealand.

There are a lot of doctors. Architects, business women, lawyers, teachers, professors, nurses, social workers, authors. Sporting stars, farmers, missionaries. Interesting women. Very interesting.

Hmmm. And me. All of a sudden I am feeling very insignificant indeed. There is a great gathering next weekend in Cape Town as quite a few of the farflung ones are in CT on visits, and they want to skype. Sigh.

Oh well. I can at least say I blog, and am on twitter, and facebook, and am clearly a techno whizz. Just do not ask me how to work an ipod. I am a COMMUNICATIONS expert!! I have just discovered this. Of course I am. I talk a lot. They won't know about feedburners, stats, stumbling etc, will they now. This is just as well, as I am also a little hazy on some of those parts too.

Hah. I am a modern woman. I think I need to get my hair cut before skyping them.

I have a week.

Alternative warmth....

I have been looking at portable gas heaters today. As my woodburning stove dream is on hold pending a mythical lotto win, (forget the actual price of the stove - it is the chimney thingy and the labour which is astronomical) I decided that one of those gas heaters, where I can get refills for the gas bottles, may work better. I absolutely will not run the risk of another mega gas bill for the central heating in January. Here in the UK, our utility bills - gas and electricity, come quarterly. Last January I nearly had an attack of the vapours when it arrived.

My friend in NZ has these at her home, and they work brilliantly, so I am looking at what is around. This is particularly apt today as it is grey, chilly and damp, and it is the dampness which is the bit which gets to the bones. My bones in particular. My bones are not partial to cold and damp. AND I can move it around to where it is needed, which would be great.

In Switzerland, my sister buys her oil for her heating and hot water once a year. She pays for it, and then there are no unknown costs involved later to cause panic attacks. It is very reassuring to go and look at full tanks, and know you will be warm. Here we are at the mercy of the gas companies. Prices change all the time, and always seem to be spiralling upwards, and never down. When the oil price drops, nothing drops here. The price of petrol for our cars is outrageous. I just paid £1.08 a litre this morning. They have plenty of excuses - oh it is the government tax, oh, we need to improve pipe lines, oh oh oh. Sigh. And the British consumer is actually very docile. I am not of the docile variety. You may have noticed this.

So I am looking at gas heaters. Hah! They will then want to come and check and see if there is something wrong with my meter if it is stunningly low in January, I bet. I will show them my bottles of gas lined up instead, and yes, I know this is probably an expensive way of heating my house, but I will be controlling what I spend or use. I can simply switch it off and wear more clothes if I need to.

Our economy was widely reported to be about to come out of recession last week. The celebrations had begun. Until Friday, that is. That was when the actual figures came out saying that we were still in recession, with a 0.4% further shrinkage of the economy. The worst figures since figures began. Now it appears the economists got it horribly wrong, are possibly totally incompetent or that we are way worse off than the rest of the world. France and Germany came out of recession months ago. Us??? Hahahahhaha. America is doing better too. The UK is still in the quagmire. Unemployment is spiralling too. Gloom, doom and all.

I need chocolate.