Time and mothers...

Well, along with some of you, I have no idea how we can possibly be on the last day of January. Nor can I believe that my son and daughter-in-law are about to have their first baby. She is due in a week. And so the new phase of my life will start.... being a grandparent.

Some of you reading now, are young parents yourselves, and some are grandparents, and then there are others of you who fall in the middle, with growing children. Teenagers. All of you, in one way or another, are related to, or interact with families though, and yes, each and every one of us was a child once.

When you look at those little ones of yours, the thought of being a grandparent one day is borderline ridiculous, isn't it? You can no more imagine the voice of your little guy breaking than you can imagine that sweet girl playing with her dolls one day going off to university. And thinking that the little tot in the pram will one day walk down the aisle? Ludicrous.

You may look at your 3 year old daughter and think that you will never let her go on a date, and that no-one in your family is ever going to walk home in the dark, and hey, you are never going to let your 11 year old go shopping alone......

You may be shattered from sleepless nights, and teething troubles. You may have a teen who thinks he knows it all. Everything. That you are an idiot. You may be sick to death of being the family's resident taxi-chef-laundress-maid-mediator-creative director-finderoflostthings..... the list is endless. Time may be dragging. Days may seem monotonous, with just the company of little ones who can't really have a conversation with you about current afairs, now can they.

But you know what? I have been there in all those places, and I have struggled, and laughed, and cried, and screeched, and longed for time to myself. I have dreamt, and picked up, bathed, read endless stories and played every game imaginable. Cuddled, fed, rocked, held, stroked, touched, loved, fought for, bandaged and relished every single day of being a Mum to my 3 children. There they are over in the sidebar. See? All grown up now.

They are the reason I live here now. They are the reason I chose not to have a career outside my home as they were growing up. I was fortunate to be able to do that. They are the people I pray for daily, and miss when they are all over the place. They are imprinted on my heart. Yes, I could have done many things, but I CHOSE not to. I have never regretted that choice. Not for one single second.

I am about to become a Granny, and I can't wait for this next stage, as you may have gathered. This child of our family is already loved beyond reason, and will be such a blessing. But for the rest of my days, you know, I will still see myself as a Mum, no matter how old my children may be. My memories of all those years you are battling/sailing through now are crystal clear and as much a part of me as my leg is. I smile to myself as I read your posts about your lives with your little ones, and sometimes I sit and think how it can possibly be so long since I had the same problems or delights?

Time marches on exorably, though, and here I am...... a Mum who is going to be so proud to be a Granny in a few days time. Those thoughts I never wanted to consider, like the dates, the driving, the wedding, the walking in the dark, my little boy's voice breaking??? I could no more have stopped them from happening than I could have stopped the world from turning.

They came, and they went, and I changed, as my children grew and changed too. And finally the nest was truly empty and I looked around a home which echoes with memories. Their toddler paintings are framed on the wall of my kitchen. Their books are among mine in the bookcase here next to me. There are traces of them all over my home, and those traces are deeply etched in the confines of my heart too.

The circle keeps turning, and I don't really want it to stop. I can't freeze time, although a multitude of memories are frozen in my mind for all time. I want to keep moving, to feel my heart grow even bigger, as new people, like this little one, burrow their way inside of it, making new etches, new memories.

Daughter, sister, wife, mother - I have been them all ...... and now soon, Granny.

Wow.

It is Friday again.....

10 am.

I actually crawled out of bed at 10am after the blog decorating marathon last night. But it was such fun! If you look at it with the full screen, you can see the whole thing. It looks more like "me", as my highly critical and very special sister says. "You are colour, and quilts, and flowers, and mountains, and life and people", she said when she saw the last one. Well, this one has bits of that, and you lot are the people, so we are all set.

I still remember when MG and I decided on a beautiful mountain one months ago, and when it loaded, it looked like hairy caterpillars wandering around the top. Bizarre. That didn't last long. Minutes.

MG and I both love Sandra's blog. We agree that she must be a genius. I have no idea how she has taught herself how to do it all, but I really want to learn how to do it myself too. Sigh. Wouldn't it be great to go and sit in Sandra's lounge and have a hands-on lesson?? With many breaks to sample all her delicious cooking, of course. I think there would be much laughter. Sandra??? Do you need visitors??

Back to this morning. I had a really slow start, I confess. I had some errands to see to...bills and such like, and then came home to watch the rest of the tennis. I may just have overdone the exercises, I think. MY leg (note the "my") is not a joy at the moment. In fact MY leg is a bit of a nightmare. I am supposed to relax and massage it. Well, to be truthful, I am supposed to get a partner to massage it. You try relaxing and massaging your own leg. The two things are mutually exclusive. Blast. Oh well. I will pat it now and then. MY leg.

I am a little weary, people, so I am now off to manufacture something for supper, close the curtains as it is pitch dark already, and climb onto that couch with my recession heater and blanket, aka the cloud. TV, my book and maybe a chocolate. Sounds perfect. Not forgetting the coffee.

PS..... My sister, the other genius, suggested I start another blog, and play around with backgrounds there where there is nothing important I can mess up. I may well do that. I have been thinking of having another blog for different things. Hmmm. It could be fun!

WOW!!!

Becky, aka Morning Glory is a total star. Just look at what she has done for me! I totally and absolutely LOVE the new look. And thanks, Isabelle and Vee for the input along the way as well! It was great fun chatting via email as we chose the right look for the blog!

I am too terrified of changing things, you see, so I get my friend on the other side of the world to do it. I sort of beg. I was going to say "help" but that would be a lie. I sit and say yes, no, maybe, move this, change that, go back, hmmm, and all the rest and Becky does it all.

So THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!! I am so happy with it. And it is now 1.25am, and I have been on the phone to Becky for the last 30 mins, and it is past Cinderella time. We had to talk because MSN stopped sending our messages. Of course.

Sigh. Face-lifts are wonderful. And I am not in the least bit sleepy.

Facelift....

Just to let you know this will be a while to sort. 2 of us on 2 continents are trying out some backgrounds. I need a facelift. There may be quite a few options we try before I decide what I can live with. So watch this space!

Kettles and other fascinating facts.....

My kettle died. My kettle which is just 6 months old. I cannot find the receipt so can't get a refund. When one crawls in the door and tries to boil the kettle so one can have a hot drink after nearly an hour of physio, one tends to lose one's sense of humour, especially when one remembers that one had not done the washing up (because the dishwasher is very dead) and every pot in the house is dirty. (There are 6 ones there. I counted.)

So a jolly morning was had by all. I glared at it with a baleful eye as I washed the dishes, so I could wash the pots, so I could boil the water on the stove. Sigh. And pouring water from a pot into a cup means that you inadvertently end up cleaning the counter and the floor. And by the time you get to take a sip, it is cold.

So I bought another kettle. The cheapest in the range. It works. Hallelujah!

So...

My daughter-in-law is very uncomfortable and just wants her baby to arrive.
My son aced a test at uni.
My daughter called and her new church website is finally up and running.
The carrot cakes are shrinking.
The waist line is expanding in direct proportion to the shrinkage above.
I did 20 rises today. Then nearly lost the ability to stand. Did you read that??? 20!! Only a couple of centimetres off the floor, but still....

And I think that is about all.

Recipe for Carrot Cake.....

Carrot Cake

2 cups cake flour(plain/all-purpose)

Half teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon baking powder

1 teaspoon salt

2 teaspoons cinnamon

1 and 3/4 cups sugar

1 cup vegetable oil

3 eggs

1 teaspoon vanilla essence/extract

2 cups grated carrots

1 cup flaked coconut

1 cup chopped walnuts

1 tin crushed pineapple, drained. (8 oz)

If you can't get crushed pineapple, just cut it up and then squash it!

Method:

Preheat oven to 180C (350F)

Remove butter and cream cheese from refrigerator so can soften to room temp.

Wash, peel and grate carrots (use fine grater)

Sift together (I didn't!) flour, baking soda, baking powder and salt. Add cinnamon.

Beat the eggs IN THE BIGGEST BOWL YOU HAVE, add the sugar.

Add the flour mixture to the egg mixture gradually.

Add oil and vanilla.

Beat for 1 minute on medium speed.

Using wooden spoon (or spatula thingy), stir in the carrots, coconut, crushed pineapple and finally the walnuts.

Mix well and turn into buttered and floured 9x13inch pan. (I did 2 loaf tins, and have done one big deep round tin with a small loaf tin)

Bake at 350F (180C) for roughly 45 minutes or until the cake is done when you stick the knife into the middle and the cake is starting to c0me away from the edges.

Cool on wire rack.

Icing:

1 pack cream cheese (8oz)

1/4 cup butter

2 cups icing sugar (the powdery stuff)

few drops vanilla essence

To make the icing:

Beat the cream cheese and the butter and the vanilla essence, and add the icing sugar when the butter stuff is completely mixed. Beat till the icing is of a spreadable consistency. Ice the cake while it is still warm.

Enjoy!

PS: I have no idea where I got this recipe, but it is wonderful. And blogger is eliminating all my spaces between lines and driving me crazy. Sorry!

I baked the cakes...

And as you can see, some-one has started to eat them. That some-one would be moi. Ably assisted by Margaret, who popped in this morning for coffee. This carrot cake, with cream cheese icing, is so moist and wonderful, and as it has VEGETABLES in, it counts as proper food, and not an indulgence.

It also has crushed pineapple in, and walnuts and coconut, so it is totally healthy. Especially if you ignore the small matter of the icing sugar, which is of course, mixed with cream cheese. See.....the complete healthy meal. Fruit, vegetable, dairy, wheat. Perfect.

So if you happen to live in this village, you had better come and save me from the carrot cake. Cakes. I made 2. Jean arrived in time to chop the walnuts for me. I gave her pecan nuts initially, and then she stopped me from adding ground almonds instead of coconut. I have NO idea where my mind had gone by that stage, so it is just as well she came round! The packets did look vaguely similar. But still.

My days are falling into a routine now. I come down the stairs in the morning, (after doing exercises while I am still in bed, therapy as you bath, and therapy as you dress), and I stop on the last step and do the dipping exercises, and then the step up and down ones, before I go and make the coffee. I do the standing ones, and the balancing one as I wait for the coffee, and then the sitting ones as I check the emails.

I watch some tennis, while doing the balancing ones and the rises. If I am a passenger in a car, I do the sitting ones. It is becoming second nature, and today I managed 13 rises in a row, so it gets better all the time. Anyway, that is how my morning starts. I have no great adventures to report. Not yet. Slow and steady.

And now I think I will go and look at that cake again. Help!!

Crying with laughter....

You HAVE to go and read this right now!! I am still howling with laughter. I called her straight away, and the laughter just doubled. And then I told her that I had knocked the bedside lamp onto my head as I answered the phone on Saturday morning, and the laughter just got more hysterical. You have NO idea!

Oh my.......

Adventures, and more babbling....

Mondays always start with a very hard physio workout. Seriously, my friends, I stagger out of there wondering how I am upright and moving, but I really love going, and getting to that stage, because I am getting stronger, and I did 10 of those rises yesterday. The physios also like the fact that I want to push myself, and that I shut up about the discomfort! I know I have to do it. If I could go every day, I would. I just try to work as hard here at home, and get to the "can't move" stage and then I think I have done enough. Twice a day.

Back to yesterday. Jean, Margaret and I had planned a visit to Olney, the market town in Bedforshire I went to last Saturday. Olney, by the way, appears to be pronounced Owe-nee. Do not ask. This is Britain. Bicester is Bister etc etc etc.... And for the first time in ages, I nearly took my Leki pole with me, because I was so unsteady and hurting, but then I thought....coffee. I can recover while we sit and chat, and indeed that is what I did.

Here is Olney for you to see. Lots of cars in the Market Square made photos somewhat random, but you can see a bit, I think. There is a weekly market held in the square, but obviously not on a Monday!

The buildings are all old, very different and very quaint, and as I have said, small and unique shops everywhere.

And one of the best bits about old market towns, is the fact that you can find things hidden down tiny alleyways. This is one of my favourite ones here. Rose Court. And believe me, it is well hidden. Margaret had never found it before!

So you walk down the little alleyway, and you come into a beautiful open space, with wonderful shops and the best restaurant in town too.

In the summer, this is packed with people enjoying their meals outside. Lovely flowers and ....well, it is just great!

And Margaret (who is also my Garden Fairy!), Jean and I headed straight for the restaurant and relaxed over coffee and calories which we will not discuss at this point. Excellent.

This is Margaret. One of my lovely friends.

And if you look, way down the courtyard between the red and brown buildings, the path goes on, and at the end is the best place. My favourite craft shop. The home of the Cuttlebug, which, may I add, I patted, but did not buy. Yet. This time. Even though it was £20 less than the last time I saw it. Sigh. But enough of that.........Jean and Margaret leaving the restaurant. Before we spent a good hour and a half in the craft shop. We needed to build up our strength, hence the calorie intake. Of course.

And back to Margaret's home for a lovely lunch time soup and yet more chat and laughter.

So that was yesterday. In pictures. I managed to leave a £1.50 roll of wrapping paper in the craft shop. We have decided that it was divine interference, and that I must be destined to own that Cuttlebug after all. I will have to go and collect my paper, won't I.....and you never know, it may just leap into my arms and beg to come home with me. Watch this space.

And on to today....

This morning started with a sudden leap out of bed, a random throwing on of clothes and a rapid hobble down the stairs, as the doorbell had woken me from a deep sleep. At 8.45am. The man had come to read the electricity and gas meters. I cannot describe the hair... I looked like a scarecrow. And it was not quite how I like to present myself to the wider world, I can tell you. He did, however, tell me that my electricity meter was reading "very low". Eureka! After all the hassle of having to get a new meter, I am delighted.

So I crawled back into bed, watched a little tennis on TV, and drank a cup of hot coffee, and then decided I was ready to start the day. Breakfast was served at 11am. It is a little difficult trying to eat 3 proper meals. The tablets, you see, have to be taken with meals. Some of them. Sigh. As you can see, I am firing on all cylinders. But the exercises were done while watching Roger annihilate his opponent, and that was good.

And, as this is turning into a total ramble, we need to talk about my new-fangled hair flattener thingamebobs. They are small. As thin as a ruler. My old ones, sadly now permanently resident in Switzerland, (sob), are big. They are about 3 inches across and the iron part is about 6-8 inches long. AND they had a big scissor like handle, which keeps fingers away from heat.

The new ones?? Hah. They open and close like a V. And I BURN my hand whenever I use them, and it takes 1089756578 times longer because the poor little dear cannot cope with more than 3 strands of hair at a time. And then, what is worst of all, my hair stays straight for approximately 10 seconds. I am not happy. Especially when I could have bought one and a half cuttlebugs for the price of these ridiculous things. Hairdressers swear by them. I know why. Their clients get so ticked off by them, that they roll in the door and beg for professional attention on a twice weekly basis. Just like I am tempted to do this second.

And now I think I will go and bake a carrot cake.

Thoughts on a Sunday....

I have just come back from church, and I have to tell you about a conversation I had with our vicar after the service. He saw me taking a few photos during the coffee and chat session, and smiled as he said, "Are those for your daughter?" I said that yes, they were, and we chatted about how great her faith is, and how she left her home and country to go to New Zealand 3 and a half years ago, because God called her to do so. And is having a wonderful adventure down there. Far away. In the bottom left hand corner of the map.

She didn't know a soul when she left, and she simply, quite simply trusted God. We talked about faith and trust and how sometimes we put the "me" ahead of God on the little pedestal in our minds. I do. All the time. We all do. I can think of a million "yes, buts" when I am sometimes really feeling that God is wanting me to do something. I don't trust enough. I wish I did. In his sermon, Adrian had talked about Jesus often not performing his miracles before testing faith a little more. Think of Lazarus, the wine into water, so many.

When I started work at my school, I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, on that first day at the interview, that it was the wrong place for me. I just knew. No tangible reason, just a really powerful feeling. But I thought, hey, I have to earn money, so anything will do. It can't be that bad, can it?? And squashed the little voice which said "I have other plans for you". Yes. Well. I had bills to pay, so I put the bills, and me back firmly on that pedestal. Dusted off the hands, and went to work. His plans would have to wait.

We all know what followed. I should have listened, but I did not trust enough.

Anyway, back to that conversation. I was telling Adrian about our family verse in Psalms. Our family's verse. When Geoff came home one day back a couple of decades ago now, and said that we were moving back to the UK, as we had planned years before, then forgotten, I was ready to do so, but very apprehensive. He would be back at sea, and I would be alone with the 3 children in a new country. So I went to my Bible study and moaned a little. A lot in fact. There was much sighing and sadness at the thought of leaving. So I opened my bible, and as these things happen, it opened here.....

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
Psalm 139:8-12

I flipped it closed, looked at my friends, and said, "Ok, I am going. I need to pack."

And we moved country, just like Diana moved country too. And Adrian said to me...."But Linds, you trusted enough to move, and look what God has done in your life!" And it was a like a light going off in the brain. I can be a little slow to work things out at times. I did trust! He never left me! Look! I wouldn't be surrounded by these friends, my son would not have met his wife or be having this baby, Diana would not have been in NZ....... so many many things would have been different.

I look back, and Adrian was right. At crucial moments in my life, I have trusted, and it has all worked according to His plan. Not mine. His. Hindsight is a spectacular thing.

We cannot measure our faith against each other's. Diana's is not "better" than mine. It is different, because she is different. I am human and have so many faults, but my faith has carried me (and consequently my family) through so many difficult times. Hahahaha. That sounds minor. Mega times. MEGA. And then, fool that I am, I didn't trust when I heard that small voice. I am an idiot.

So now I am going to tell you about yesterday, and that walk. I crossed the little rickety bridge onto the island, and there was no-one there. I wish I had taken a chair, because I could have sat there for hours. Anyway, I looked around, and started talking aloud to God, as I am prone to doing. We had a conversation.

And I asked for an answer now to one specific thing. Patience is not one of my qualities, you may have noticed. Like, immediately. I had my camera and I was looking around, taking those photos, and I looked down, and all around me was the letter Y. Twigs. Some broken, some just lying next to each other, all facing me. All around me. And I started laughing. Wherever I looked, more "Y"s. Everywhere. I turned in a circle and I was surrounded by them. But further away, there were none. I could have danced, but then I think one of those anglers may well have dialled 999. He answers prayers in the most diverse ways, and He used what was around me.

Faith. Trust. It is the key to the door for wonderful things, my friends.

Believe me. I know.