Saturday, January 31, 2009

Time and mothers...

Well, along with some of you, I have no idea how we can possibly be on the last day of January. Nor can I believe that my son and daughter-in-law are about to have their first baby. She is due in a week. And so the new phase of my life will start.... being a grandparent.

Some of you reading now, are young parents yourselves, and some are grandparents, and then there are others of you who fall in the middle, with growing children. Teenagers. All of you, in one way or another, are related to, or interact with families though, and yes, each and every one of us was a child once.

When you look at those little ones of yours, the thought of being a grandparent one day is borderline ridiculous, isn't it? You can no more imagine the voice of your little guy breaking than you can imagine that sweet girl playing with her dolls one day going off to university. And thinking that the little tot in the pram will one day walk down the aisle? Ludicrous.

You may look at your 3 year old daughter and think that you will never let her go on a date, and that no-one in your family is ever going to walk home in the dark, and hey, you are never going to let your 11 year old go shopping alone......

You may be shattered from sleepless nights, and teething troubles. You may have a teen who thinks he knows it all. Everything. That you are an idiot. You may be sick to death of being the family's resident taxi-chef-laundress-maid-mediator-creative director-finderoflostthings..... the list is endless. Time may be dragging. Days may seem monotonous, with just the company of little ones who can't really have a conversation with you about current afairs, now can they.

But you know what? I have been there in all those places, and I have struggled, and laughed, and cried, and screeched, and longed for time to myself. I have dreamt, and picked up, bathed, read endless stories and played every game imaginable. Cuddled, fed, rocked, held, stroked, touched, loved, fought for, bandaged and relished every single day of being a Mum to my 3 children. There they are over in the sidebar. See? All grown up now.

They are the reason I live here now. They are the reason I chose not to have a career outside my home as they were growing up. I was fortunate to be able to do that. They are the people I pray for daily, and miss when they are all over the place. They are imprinted on my heart. Yes, I could have done many things, but I CHOSE not to. I have never regretted that choice. Not for one single second.

I am about to become a Granny, and I can't wait for this next stage, as you may have gathered. This child of our family is already loved beyond reason, and will be such a blessing. But for the rest of my days, you know, I will still see myself as a Mum, no matter how old my children may be. My memories of all those years you are battling/sailing through now are crystal clear and as much a part of me as my leg is. I smile to myself as I read your posts about your lives with your little ones, and sometimes I sit and think how it can possibly be so long since I had the same problems or delights?

Time marches on exorably, though, and here I am...... a Mum who is going to be so proud to be a Granny in a few days time. Those thoughts I never wanted to consider, like the dates, the driving, the wedding, the walking in the dark, my little boy's voice breaking??? I could no more have stopped them from happening than I could have stopped the world from turning.

They came, and they went, and I changed, as my children grew and changed too. And finally the nest was truly empty and I looked around a home which echoes with memories. Their toddler paintings are framed on the wall of my kitchen. Their books are among mine in the bookcase here next to me. There are traces of them all over my home, and those traces are deeply etched in the confines of my heart too.

The circle keeps turning, and I don't really want it to stop. I can't freeze time, although a multitude of memories are frozen in my mind for all time. I want to keep moving, to feel my heart grow even bigger, as new people, like this little one, burrow their way inside of it, making new etches, new memories.

Daughter, sister, wife, mother - I have been them all ...... and now soon, Granny.



Laurie in Ca. said...

I love this post and can really relate with the stages Linds. And I am so excited for you to enter the Granny stage that will soon be here. It is the best stage yet for me. It is the icing on my cake of life. Your heart will just melt to puddles when you look into this little girls eyes and realize she is "one of you".
It is such a blessing Linds and I am excited for you to join the Granny club. I love you girl and hope you are taking it easy.

Love and Hugs, Laurie

lakeviewer said...

What a lovely, lyrical statement! Thanks.

Barbara said...

So well written, you do it brilliantly Linds. Yes no matter how old they are, they are still our children and always will be.

Being a Grandmother is the best of all. The overwhelming love is awesome. I guess we were too busy and involved with our own babies to be so aware of the strength of these feelings.

Trust all goes well and on time.

Andrrew is so like you Linds.

'Mum's stuff' I guess that is not an easy one.

Sunny here today too and yes so cold. Love to you too and h ope you have a more painfree weekend.

Sandra said...

I just loved this post Linds, you have such a wonderful way with words.

I love being a mother and I can not wait to be a grandmother one day :)

Susan said...

All our roles and functions are a grand part of us, but you are about to break into the most joyful of all, being a grandmother. They don't call it "grand"mother for nought. It truly is grand and you are going to be a wonderful one!

Barb said...

What a beautiful post, Linds. You captured all the feelings. I'm so excited for you. You're about to enter a whole new phase and it's wonderful. It sounds cliche, but it's true that becoming a grandmother is our reward for surviving motherhood. Being a Nana is awesome.

Crystal said...

I love the timeless quality of your post today. Memories - such beautiful things, even if they sometimes are of sad events, as we age. You are going to be absolutely thrilled with the next stage of life. It is so much better than you can even imagine!! Praying that this week goes quickly for Ann and that the babe arrives safely!!

Chris said...

If you don't stop making me cry every time I read you, I'm going to stop.

Not really.

The beauty in this post is priceless.

Dawn said...

Absolutely lovely - perfect. I wish I had the ability to put things in words that you do. Beautiful! I really think we will be able to say "I knew her when" - as soon as you publish that first book!

Will be watching for the arrival of the one formerly called The Bump!

Britt-Arnhild said...

How exciting.
I look forward to follow you along your new path, the grandmother path.

Mary said...

A week! A WEEK!! How excited you all must be feeling. It's hard to imagine, really, how you are feeling Granniness is not any where near my horizon (yet)- sigh! However, I don't even know Ann and Andrew and yet, through knowing you, I feel so excited a bit of a Cyber Great Aunt.

You, I know, Will be a fantastic Granny.

Vee said...

What an exciting time for you and yours... Will be keeping all this in prayer, too.

You write so beautifully, Linds. I wish that you were writing a book...perhaps you are.

Linda said...

What a special time for you Linds. I can identify with every word of this post. I'm a little further down the pather with seven grandchildren, and it is everything you imagine it will be.
Time has such a way of playing tricks on us. I look at my grown sons with their little ones and wonder when all of that happened. How could time possibly have gone by that swiftly?
I am so contented in this season of my life. So many blessings.

Pat @ Mille Fiori Favoriti said...

Congratulations! I became a grandmother for the first time in gandson is now 7 weeks old! It is a wonderful miracle beyond words ro hold the child of your child! I wish you all much love, happiness and many blessings.

Becky said...

There is nothing in the world like becoming a grandma for the first time. That child will forever hold a special place in your heart. It's hard to believe the time is here already. It seems like just a month ago when you told me about the baby. Wow! Can't wait to hear the news.

Janine said...

Well said! I've been blessed to be a full-time mom since 1981 and now that my kids are grown up, I am back to being a student! I have loved every phase of my life.

Susie said...

Hi Linds,
Your words capture the very feelings that so many of us share. I'll just echo what several others have written here that the experience of becoming a Grammy for the first time is absolutely the most wonderful experience that you can ever imagine.
It's totally life changing..

Holly said...

Congratulations! That's really exciting!

Anonymous said...

I'm so excited for you! Of all my roles in life, as yours...daughter, sister, wife, mother, aunt, and now Grandmommie for 9 years to 4 precious ones...I love the Grandmother role the best. I hope you do, too. There's just something about those little tykes that no one else on earth can do to my heartstrings! God bless you...and the new family...and the new precious baby!

LittlePeopleWealth said...

Congratulations on your impending "Grandmother" status :)

Desia said...

So well said (written).
Although I didn't anticipate becoming a grandma at such a "young" (48) age, I love,love,love it!

Joyful Days said...

They are the reason, indeed. I never thought being a grandparent would be something I would wish for (not wishing against it--just not a priority) until my goddaughter was born. She's changed my perspective.

For the record, I'm old enough to be my youngest's grandmother.