I do love blogging, you know. I have to come back and remember how much joy it gives me sometimes, but I always seem to find my way back here.
A new year awaits, already 4 days old.
I have plans for this year. I thought of doing a review of last year and then thought it was too medical and too boring and too everything that I am absolutely determined that 2015 is not going to be.
It would be simple to just pluck a good word out of the air and call it mine for the year, and I have done this for the last 5 or so years and loved the focus, but this year, no. This year is more.
I am taking a stand.
This is the year the excuses are banned.
This is the year the "putting the whole world first thing" is being toned down just a little.
This is the year there will be some ticks in the box by 31 December, believe me.
There have been many reasons why I need to change things here. Many wonderful people who have faced worse challenges than me. Are facing. Not all of them conquered those challenges. And I am all too aware of the frailty of human life.
As we get older, the tears happen to fall more frequently. The quest to make things perfect for those you love to create those special memories grows in a totally unrealistic way. The drive to just gather memories, buy a new camera to capture all those you love, before they fly away from you, grows. So does the irritation those you happen to love feel when it seems as if the paparazzi is taking up residence in the lounge.
You need to be 60+ to know what I mean, I think. Capture it all. Slow down the clock somehow.
And then, reality whispers the words - write it down. Just write it all down, so one day, maybe someone younger can read the words to you and you will remember.
Remembering is wonderful but, hey, you have to have stuff to remember in the first place.
This year, my word is DO.
Not May DO. Not Could Do.
CAN DO. WILL DO.
There is no longer any "maybe" or "perhaps" or "one day" about me. Time is running out. I need to make it all count. And, using the excuse that one or more member of the family may need me to do any number of things is going to be stopped on some occasions, because the "me - what Linds wants to do", also needs to be heard.
I read the 5 things people most regret when they are dying, you see. I knew 4 of them pretty well and thought I had them all more or less covered - well, there are one or 2 that I am not brilliant at at all. I can work on them this year as well.
But then there was the first one.
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
I think most of my life has been like this, and most Mums will identify - everyone else comes first. It is instinctive and I do not regret that for a millisecond. Up to a point.
My kids are all grown now, and flying or flown, and I can spend the rest of my life trying to be satisfied by their antics and adventures, or I can get up and do some too - have some adventures of my own. Big adventures. Little adventures, but so help me, I will be having some. I want a colourful life. Not a grey one. I am wearing purple already. I need more.
I can do things on my own. I am a widow. I don't need to be with other people to have adventures. I can go on tours if I feel like it.
I can do things.
And am going to do things.
Instead of saying that I cannot go to a West End musical because the music will be a problem for me, i am going to find a way to surmount that problem, if I have to go in a wheel chair and sit on foam and use ear plugs and look like a lunatic. If it gets me to the show, I will do it. I want to see The Lion King.
I want to go to a Hillsong service in London too. Again, the music will be an issue, so I suspect a great deal of foam and a wheelchair are in my future.
if it means I can do things then so be it.
So I am going to spend this year refusing to see the problems surrounding my dreams, and instead, work on a way to make them happen.
I will visit America in 2015.
I have friends to see. Blogging friends. I want to go to a conference for bloggers - so many - I have no idea which one but it will be one Sophie (aka Boomama) is speaking at, because I have been a blogging friend since the beginning of time, and you really need to read her book(s).
And then there is/are Megan, Lisa-Jo, Ashleigh, Vee, Chris, Linda, Barb, Kelli, Bev, Heather, Mary, Heidi, Jeana, Jan, Becky, Mary, Angie, Kristen, Ree, Louise, Laurie, Shalee, Lori, Lora, Tonia, Ann, Carmen, Donnetta, Pam, Lisa, Deidra, Jeanne, Diane, Sue, Susan, Melanie, Samantha, Mishel, Robin, Annie, Jo, Crystal (Canada), Sarah, Elizabeth, Sandra, Dawn, Debbie and so many more .....SO MANY LOVELY PEOPLE and I want to be everywhere.
I can't be this time.
Maybe Linds needs to plan a Grand Tour of Bloggers around the whole place. I have never been to America. I want to see New York. The North East. The North West. The in between bits.
For now though, I am putting the world on notice. I am on the move, and any obstacles will be worked over, under, around or through. There will be no excuses.
So help me, I will undo the box the overlocker has been in since I bought it 3 months ago. I will.
And in the meantime, there are a great many small things I want to do. You know, I was trying to explain the need I have to see the Aurora Borealis. The person I was speaking to didn't understand the drive - the urge, I have to see it one day. Then I reminded her that she had, in her younger days, trotted around the entire globe, and experienced so many things for herself. I understand that all that travel is unimportant - that people are more important. I just need to have some memories too. The people are here, but I need something for me. Need. Want. Have to. Try. There is more, you see. For me, at this exact point in my life. So let me fly, while I can. I can. I will DO it.