After reading MG's post this morning I thought a long while about how real I am in this blogging world. Is this really me? In a sense, it would be quite possible to be whoever we chose to be, I suppose, but that thought never occurred to me at all. I don't see the point of pretending to be something or someone I am clearly not. People who know me in "real" life say I write here just as I speak.It sounds like me. This is good.
Like so many of you, I started blogging when my daughter did. I wanted to be part of this new world, and speak to her specifically, and then I started looking for people my own age and found a world of women I am coming to know well, whose lives I share in print and cyberspace, and who are real to me, at least. I trust my instincts here.
Because we are usually alone when we write, I think we tend to speak about things that we may not verbalise easily in company at times. I write for myself, not to try to impress anyone. There is no-one to impress here late at night. I am talking about what I do and think and feel. Well, some of it. One of my old friends has been known to say that 99% of me is kept hidden from the general public. I don't think it is quite that high a percentage, but yes, I have a part of me I tend not to share easily. With anyone. Those who know me a little better can read between the lines now and then and sense the things I choose not to say, and there are one or 2 who I have emailed privately to fill in some of the blanks. I do edit out some of the tough stuff, and I may never share that, or I may wait a few months to say anything, when it is no longer raw. This is not my life story. It is simply a reflection of who I am today and of my rollercoaster ride through life in my middle years. No. My prime. Of course.
I am just an ordinary woman. With 52 years of experience of life. There have been successes and failures. Triumphs and tragedies. Laughter and tears. Wars and peace. Good decisions and catastrophic ones. Choices and consequences learnt the hard way. Nothing spectacular. I do not lead a charmed life. I have mountains of challenges to face. However, I have been blessed with a healthy dose of optimism, and a "can do" rather than a "can't do" philosophy of life.
You know, one of the greatest things about all of this is that age plays no part in the blogging world. Some of you could be my daughters. And I read about your trials with your babes, and it triggers memories buried in time of my own babes, that perhaps I would have forgotten. It is such fun to read that some things never change, and I love it all. I just want to yell loudly now and then to tell you all to savour every moment. It is gone so quickly. They grow up overnight. I love the fact that I can join in the celebrations when babies are born, when journeys are completed, when prayers are answered. I love the fact that we can share and support each other through laughter and tears. And tears of laughter.
I like to think you would recognise me in real life.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
A new teacher
Tomorrow I start my new career as a teacher. Today, I confess, I had a major "throw the rattle out of the pram" rage. I ran out of patience in a big way. Not with the kids, but with the management, who had made all sorts of assumptions about what I would do, and never had time to discuss anything with me. Endless meetings, and yet only throwaway comments about bits and pieces to me. So today I went to see the business manager, and told her I was thoroughly ticked off. Not upset. Mad. I think she had quite a shock. I have always done far more than I have been asked to do, and so already it is assumed I will be able to manage everything.
I am terrified I won't get it right. I really have no idea whether I will fall flat on my face. That would be excessively humbling, and is not out of the question. But I need to know that there is a firm foundation in place that I can rely on for advice or help, and if everyone has been too busy to talk to me in the past 2 weeks, it does not bode well for times of crisis. For example, I have not been given my teacher's laptop computer yet. I have no idea how to take the register electronically. It would only take a few minutes for someone to show me and do an idiot's guide, but that is what I need. And asked for 2 weeks ago. It could all have been done by now. Sigh.
Essentially, I just want to talk to the people who are above me in the chain, and to make sure what they are expecting of me, and how quickly, and to voice my reservations and doubts, so that they understand that this is really daunting for me. I am SO fallible. I have not got a clue what I am doing half the time. I have a suspicion that they think I can do it all. I have no idea. And it does not help at all to keep saying "you will be fine" because I won't be many times. I need to talk about the "won't be" times and what to do then. So, the end result is that they were all having MORE meetings this afternoon and tomorrow morning, and yes, I will teach. They did ask if I was going to. I suppose that is something.
I have said that I am okay with challenges before, haven't I? I am. I also know I have those hands guiding me. Without them, I might as well pull the duvet over my head at 6am tomorrow and stay in my nice cosy bed and pretend the world does not exist. I am so far out of my safety zone it is ridiculous. I am indeed walking on water. I mustn't look down. I mustn't look down.
I am terrified I won't get it right. I really have no idea whether I will fall flat on my face. That would be excessively humbling, and is not out of the question. But I need to know that there is a firm foundation in place that I can rely on for advice or help, and if everyone has been too busy to talk to me in the past 2 weeks, it does not bode well for times of crisis. For example, I have not been given my teacher's laptop computer yet. I have no idea how to take the register electronically. It would only take a few minutes for someone to show me and do an idiot's guide, but that is what I need. And asked for 2 weeks ago. It could all have been done by now. Sigh.
Essentially, I just want to talk to the people who are above me in the chain, and to make sure what they are expecting of me, and how quickly, and to voice my reservations and doubts, so that they understand that this is really daunting for me. I am SO fallible. I have not got a clue what I am doing half the time. I have a suspicion that they think I can do it all. I have no idea. And it does not help at all to keep saying "you will be fine" because I won't be many times. I need to talk about the "won't be" times and what to do then. So, the end result is that they were all having MORE meetings this afternoon and tomorrow morning, and yes, I will teach. They did ask if I was going to. I suppose that is something.
I have said that I am okay with challenges before, haven't I? I am. I also know I have those hands guiding me. Without them, I might as well pull the duvet over my head at 6am tomorrow and stay in my nice cosy bed and pretend the world does not exist. I am so far out of my safety zone it is ridiculous. I am indeed walking on water. I mustn't look down. I mustn't look down.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Another day at the coalface
Schools. Kids. Parents. Teachers. Where did we all get so complacent? When did kids start thinking it was fine to misbehave and when did their education become something they dismiss without a thought? How have we reached a stage where they have no aspirations? Who is to blame? Is it because we have a benefits system that means that they think that they will never have to work? Or is it more because they all seem to know their "rights", and teachers are powerless? How many excuses do we make for their behaviour? And how many labels do we have to stick on them? They all seem to think they will be millionaires and be able to buy (there we are on the acquisition trail again) anything their little hearts desire. It is their right. To have everything they want. And with little or no effort.
Our united nations of teachers at our school are all of the same mind when we discuss the complete lack of respect or appreciation of the wonderful gift that a good education can be. Those who come from the Bahamas or Africa, or the Eastern block countries can speak of children who just dream of getting an education. Who walk for miles to school with no shoes. How children sit down and obey instructions and work hard to make something of their lives. They don't have any safety net there. If you don't work, you don't eat. Education is prized above just about anything. So how did one of the most advanced of the 1st world countries end up with children who think they call the shots roaming the corridors of schools? And what does this mean for the future of the nation? Or the world, come to that.
I am constantly amazed by the determination and dedication of the core of excellent teachers, who never give up trying, or hoping. Other teachers come and go, just marking time until they can move to "good" schools, where teaching is not a daily ordeal. And the kids? I keep believing that if I can make a difference to even one child, it will have been worth it. Not easy at times.
The scary thing is that they speak to everyone like this. Their parents. Their teachers. Authority figures. Anyone. And there is almost nothing we can do to stop it. Then there are the good kids in every class, who try so hard to get on with things, in the middle of open anarchy at times. They deserve so much more. Homework? Why bother? Bring equipment? What is that?
Sometimes it is more crowd control than teaching. There is a whole world out there that had never been part of my experience of life. Parents who back their children and not the teachers. Parents who seem to encourage their children to misbehave or to push limits. Parents who spend fortunes on things like ipods and the latest game equipment, but who don't provide pencils and pens. Parents who just never do anything to control their kids, and kids who do not know the meaning of choices and consequences. Children who simply cannot see where they are heading. And children who simply do not care.
There are many kids at this school who are special needs kids. That means they may have social, physical, mental, behavioural or learning disabilities. For any number of reasons. What they need is consistency, security and stability. I sound like a crusader. I suppose in a way I am one. I probably always will be. But it is hard at times. And so incredibly sad too.
Our united nations of teachers at our school are all of the same mind when we discuss the complete lack of respect or appreciation of the wonderful gift that a good education can be. Those who come from the Bahamas or Africa, or the Eastern block countries can speak of children who just dream of getting an education. Who walk for miles to school with no shoes. How children sit down and obey instructions and work hard to make something of their lives. They don't have any safety net there. If you don't work, you don't eat. Education is prized above just about anything. So how did one of the most advanced of the 1st world countries end up with children who think they call the shots roaming the corridors of schools? And what does this mean for the future of the nation? Or the world, come to that.
I am constantly amazed by the determination and dedication of the core of excellent teachers, who never give up trying, or hoping. Other teachers come and go, just marking time until they can move to "good" schools, where teaching is not a daily ordeal. And the kids? I keep believing that if I can make a difference to even one child, it will have been worth it. Not easy at times.
The scary thing is that they speak to everyone like this. Their parents. Their teachers. Authority figures. Anyone. And there is almost nothing we can do to stop it. Then there are the good kids in every class, who try so hard to get on with things, in the middle of open anarchy at times. They deserve so much more. Homework? Why bother? Bring equipment? What is that?
Sometimes it is more crowd control than teaching. There is a whole world out there that had never been part of my experience of life. Parents who back their children and not the teachers. Parents who seem to encourage their children to misbehave or to push limits. Parents who spend fortunes on things like ipods and the latest game equipment, but who don't provide pencils and pens. Parents who just never do anything to control their kids, and kids who do not know the meaning of choices and consequences. Children who simply cannot see where they are heading. And children who simply do not care.
There are many kids at this school who are special needs kids. That means they may have social, physical, mental, behavioural or learning disabilities. For any number of reasons. What they need is consistency, security and stability. I sound like a crusader. I suppose in a way I am one. I probably always will be. But it is hard at times. And so incredibly sad too.
Monday, January 29, 2007
Ok, so I switched
Reluctantly, might I add. I was GIVEN NO OPTION. I will throw myself on the floor and have a right royal tantrum if I have lost anything. Then I will squeeze into the computer cable and emerge at blogger and do some head bashing. You may be able to tell that I do NOT like having no options.
I was sitting here staring at the screen, wondering what on earth I could write about tonight. Is anyone out there in the same boat as me? The moment I was nominated in a category as daunting as "most inspiring", I lost all inspiration. As in I could not string 2 words together. So you get the rant about having to switch instead. Inspiration it is not. But I did change the font colour. To indicate rage. Of course.
Coffee has calmed me down. I am rational again. I had a visit from a friend this evening, who has invited me to a 60th birthday party. In the Dordogne, France. In June. For a weekend. Now I know some of you (hello Barb) really struggle hearing about places you dream of visiting one day, which happen to be close by and accessible for us in Europe. We are lucky, if you forget the global warming issue, to be able to fly round Europe very cheaply, and so popping over to Bordeaux for the weekend, is possible. In fact, I have flown return to Switzerland for half the price of a train ticket to London, which is 45 mins away by rail. If you consider coming to Europe, check out the budget airlines like Easyjet and Ryanair, and BMIbaby for European travel.
After Barb's comment, I was thinking what fun it would be to show you all around Britain. And how much I want to come to the States one day to see everything I have read about. Part of my History degree course focussed on American history, and I especially loved the frontier history. I want to see strange places. Not the touristy ones, necessarily. Of course I want to stand in New York and feel the energy that everyone talks about. And to go to the Smithsonian in Washington. And I want to wander round the Northeast visiting small towns and exploring fabric and antique shops. But I also want to go to Alaska, and to Montana, and to see the Rocky Mountains, and to see Mt St Helens. I want to visit churches I have read about, and meet people. Sigh. One day.
I have been so lucky to have been able to see so much of Europe. As a child, my parents brought our family on holiday for 3 months, and we went everywhere. It is such a weird fact that if you live somewhere, you seldom see the country, but as tourists you see it all in a short space of time. I have seen far more of Britain than most of my British friends, and my father planned our "grand tour" meticulously. Holland was perfectly timed to see the tulips in bloom. Vienna was timed so we could go to see the Vienna Boys Choir, and the Spanish Riding school. London meant the State opening of parliament. Paris was La Traviata at the opera house. And it is amazing how clear all those memories are.
Since we moved back here, I have been to France and Switzerland mainly. And Scotland, of course. But we also visited Holland, Germany and Belgium when we travelled with Geoff on the ship. Now I have friends with homes all over the place. One has recently bought an apartment in Bulgaria, and one day I would love to see the former Eastern Bloc countries. As a child I never thought that would be possible. I would love to see the Aurora Borealis. I have not been to Scandinavia, except for Denmark. I have seen Austria, Italy , Gibraltar and Spain though. This is not meant to make you wail, Barb. There are so many places I still want to see! But top of the list right now is New Zealand. I want to go and see where my daughter lives. I wish I had the time and wherewithall to rotate around the globe. Australia is waiting too. And Prague. I have always wanted to go there. While the Music festival is on, of course.
My friends Tess and Russ are about to go off on an adventure round Europe. They intend spending a year travelling all over the place. In a strange way, after Geoff died so unexpectedly, so many people re-evaluated their lives, and did things like rewrite wills, check on insurance etc, but so many also decided not to put off the things they would love to do one day. They are making conscious plans to do those things now. I applaud this wholeheartedly. One day is right now. It is the only certainty there is. The irony is that, as the months go by, it becomes so easy to slip back into that lethargy, where we put things off once again. It is so easy to find endless reasons why we can't do things. Dreams are good, and if I really try, some will become reality too.
I was sitting here staring at the screen, wondering what on earth I could write about tonight. Is anyone out there in the same boat as me? The moment I was nominated in a category as daunting as "most inspiring", I lost all inspiration. As in I could not string 2 words together. So you get the rant about having to switch instead. Inspiration it is not. But I did change the font colour. To indicate rage. Of course.
Coffee has calmed me down. I am rational again. I had a visit from a friend this evening, who has invited me to a 60th birthday party. In the Dordogne, France. In June. For a weekend. Now I know some of you (hello Barb) really struggle hearing about places you dream of visiting one day, which happen to be close by and accessible for us in Europe. We are lucky, if you forget the global warming issue, to be able to fly round Europe very cheaply, and so popping over to Bordeaux for the weekend, is possible. In fact, I have flown return to Switzerland for half the price of a train ticket to London, which is 45 mins away by rail. If you consider coming to Europe, check out the budget airlines like Easyjet and Ryanair, and BMIbaby for European travel.
After Barb's comment, I was thinking what fun it would be to show you all around Britain. And how much I want to come to the States one day to see everything I have read about. Part of my History degree course focussed on American history, and I especially loved the frontier history. I want to see strange places. Not the touristy ones, necessarily. Of course I want to stand in New York and feel the energy that everyone talks about. And to go to the Smithsonian in Washington. And I want to wander round the Northeast visiting small towns and exploring fabric and antique shops. But I also want to go to Alaska, and to Montana, and to see the Rocky Mountains, and to see Mt St Helens. I want to visit churches I have read about, and meet people. Sigh. One day.
I have been so lucky to have been able to see so much of Europe. As a child, my parents brought our family on holiday for 3 months, and we went everywhere. It is such a weird fact that if you live somewhere, you seldom see the country, but as tourists you see it all in a short space of time. I have seen far more of Britain than most of my British friends, and my father planned our "grand tour" meticulously. Holland was perfectly timed to see the tulips in bloom. Vienna was timed so we could go to see the Vienna Boys Choir, and the Spanish Riding school. London meant the State opening of parliament. Paris was La Traviata at the opera house. And it is amazing how clear all those memories are.
Since we moved back here, I have been to France and Switzerland mainly. And Scotland, of course. But we also visited Holland, Germany and Belgium when we travelled with Geoff on the ship. Now I have friends with homes all over the place. One has recently bought an apartment in Bulgaria, and one day I would love to see the former Eastern Bloc countries. As a child I never thought that would be possible. I would love to see the Aurora Borealis. I have not been to Scandinavia, except for Denmark. I have seen Austria, Italy , Gibraltar and Spain though. This is not meant to make you wail, Barb. There are so many places I still want to see! But top of the list right now is New Zealand. I want to go and see where my daughter lives. I wish I had the time and wherewithall to rotate around the globe. Australia is waiting too. And Prague. I have always wanted to go there. While the Music festival is on, of course.
My friends Tess and Russ are about to go off on an adventure round Europe. They intend spending a year travelling all over the place. In a strange way, after Geoff died so unexpectedly, so many people re-evaluated their lives, and did things like rewrite wills, check on insurance etc, but so many also decided not to put off the things they would love to do one day. They are making conscious plans to do those things now. I applaud this wholeheartedly. One day is right now. It is the only certainty there is. The irony is that, as the months go by, it becomes so easy to slip back into that lethargy, where we put things off once again. It is so easy to find endless reasons why we can't do things. Dreams are good, and if I really try, some will become reality too.
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Sunday reflections
Coming home on Saturday morning to this lovely bouquet of flowers was such a wonderful surprise. My daughter sent them to me. No, it is not a special event, she just sent me flowers. She is a gem. I grin every time I walk past them.
This has been a lovely weekend. David and I went to London yesterday to stay with Andrew and Ann, and it was great to get away. It was so nice to do nothing..... just relax and enjoy being with my boys. And daughter-in-law too! Diana called us and spoke to everyone as well, so that made it even better. Ann is a teacher, so we could compare notes and talk about work.
I sat and watched the tennis final this morning, and Roger produced the goods yet again. I do love watching him play. He has such elegance about the court. So, the weekend has been good, as I said. Different.
So... a new week awaits. What will this one bring, I wonder?
It seems that I am a nominee in the Share the Love awards. Thank you VERY much to whoever nominated me! This is the first time I have ever been nominated for anything, and I am very touched. I took a look at the lists, and there are some amazing women there, so go and have a look and make sure you visit their blogs too. I am honoured to creep in among them. Now if I could just work out how to put that button thing on my blog, it would be perfect. It seems that everyone knows how to do these things except me. Sigh.
(UPDATE 15 mins later)
Don't you just love daughters? I am talking to Diana in NZ, and was moaning on messenger re my lack of talent, and she went and did the button thing for me. Flowers and a button. What more can I ask for?
Friday, January 26, 2007
Opening doors
Right. I said I would tell you what is happening on the work front, so here we go. Those of you who know me or read my blog, know that I need to work. In September, I was offered a post at the school I am working at now, as a learning support assistant, but I had to turn it down, because it did not pay enough to live on. Anyway, in November, a friend who works at the school took me aside at a party and said that I should phone the school, as there were lots of different roles coming up, and if I was there, they would find a way to maximise my skills etc. So I did. I had made the decision to go through any door that opened, and this seemed good. I called and left a message at the school, and had no reply for a day. Oh well, I thought, this was the wrong door.
They called the following day and suggested I go in for a chat. I went, and the result was that I started work the next day. As a learning support assistant. On low pay. That lasted about a week, and then I was moved to DT (Design Technology) and ended up supporting a whole department, as they had lost teachers, got new ones, and had no head of department. That lasted till December.
This year, I started the year knowing that I was going to be supporting the department, and also teaching small classes of girls textiles. Well, last week, I was called out of the class I was teaching, and told that the only textile teacher had resigned as of the end of January, and how did I feel about taking on all the Year 10 classes. I was shell-shocked, and said I would have to think about it, as it was a huge committment, and would take an enormous amount of work. Ok, they said, while you are thinking about it, think about taking on the years 7, 8, and 9 too. My jaw was hanging open at this stage. What, I squeaked, you want me to teach ALL the textiles? Think about it they said. As I was leaving, I turned round and asked the acting head of dept if she really thought I could do this. Yes, she said. I really do.
I came home and sat in the rocker thinking about the crazy road my life was zooming down. I remembered my impatience the week before, when I actually said that I know that God has a plan for my life, I just wish I knew what it was. I said, "Not that I am impatient or anything". Hah. Enter God. She wants fast she gets fast. Standing up there. Dusting his hands together.... now let's just see what she does with this. I can see it all. Remember what I said about never wanting to teach? And remember that idea that I would go through any doors that open? BIIIIIIIG doors.
I went to talk to friends who are professional educators. I asked what they thought. I also asked if they honestly thought I was capable of doing this. Then I spoke to my dear friends, who have been such a support over the past few months, and asked if they thought I was ready emotionally to cope with this. Then I sat back in the rocker and thought more. I considered the kids I teach, whose first question is always, "How long are you staying?" They need stability. I wrote out a list of what I would need, in terms of training and support. I thought about faith and trust and leaps into the void. I thought of challenges, and growth, and not being in this crazy place if I was not meant to be here. I thought about what God was telling me about myself. The fear, the uncertainties and the confusion. The not knowing if doing my best would be enough. I am going to make mistakes. Probably many. Could I cope? Would I go where I was asked to go?
Finally, I thought of the paragliding analogy. It all looked different then, so I went to school the next day, kept out of the way of senior staff, and took apart the textile teacher's timetable, and worked out exactly what would be required of me. That afternoon, at the end of school I gave them my list of necessities, requests and concerns.
I heard nothing for days. They kept saying they were having meetings and more meetings, and it was so frustrating not actually knowing. I was given a new timetable and sent for some of the training I asked for, and to observe excellent teaching. All the staff seemed to know I would be teaching. Just not me. Today, I decided I had to know, so I asked. Oh, we have your new teaching timetable, they said. What? I have had no discussions, been at none of the meetings, and no-one has talked to me about anything. I pointed this out, and said that there was a great deal that still needed to be discussed, not least my salary. Yes yes, but you start teaching on Thursday next week. Hmmm. Open doors are good. Opportunities are good. I am, however, not an idiot. I did not ask for this, or volunteer. I don't know how it will work out. But I am not going to do any of it without first discussing the implications with the powers that be. Their expectations might be unrealistic. I will find out about that on Monday. My deadline, not theirs. I can't just drift into this. But I do think this is what I am supposed to do.
So there you have it. It looks as though I am going to be a teacher. This seems to be where all those doors are leading me. There is no way this was in the plans. My plans. God's? Probably. I just know I can't do any of it alone. Next Thursday I could be on that tandem paragliding flight. Heaven only knows what He has planned for me next.
They called the following day and suggested I go in for a chat. I went, and the result was that I started work the next day. As a learning support assistant. On low pay. That lasted about a week, and then I was moved to DT (Design Technology) and ended up supporting a whole department, as they had lost teachers, got new ones, and had no head of department. That lasted till December.
This year, I started the year knowing that I was going to be supporting the department, and also teaching small classes of girls textiles. Well, last week, I was called out of the class I was teaching, and told that the only textile teacher had resigned as of the end of January, and how did I feel about taking on all the Year 10 classes. I was shell-shocked, and said I would have to think about it, as it was a huge committment, and would take an enormous amount of work. Ok, they said, while you are thinking about it, think about taking on the years 7, 8, and 9 too. My jaw was hanging open at this stage. What, I squeaked, you want me to teach ALL the textiles? Think about it they said. As I was leaving, I turned round and asked the acting head of dept if she really thought I could do this. Yes, she said. I really do.
I came home and sat in the rocker thinking about the crazy road my life was zooming down. I remembered my impatience the week before, when I actually said that I know that God has a plan for my life, I just wish I knew what it was. I said, "Not that I am impatient or anything". Hah. Enter God. She wants fast she gets fast. Standing up there. Dusting his hands together.... now let's just see what she does with this. I can see it all. Remember what I said about never wanting to teach? And remember that idea that I would go through any doors that open? BIIIIIIIG doors.
I went to talk to friends who are professional educators. I asked what they thought. I also asked if they honestly thought I was capable of doing this. Then I spoke to my dear friends, who have been such a support over the past few months, and asked if they thought I was ready emotionally to cope with this. Then I sat back in the rocker and thought more. I considered the kids I teach, whose first question is always, "How long are you staying?" They need stability. I wrote out a list of what I would need, in terms of training and support. I thought about faith and trust and leaps into the void. I thought of challenges, and growth, and not being in this crazy place if I was not meant to be here. I thought about what God was telling me about myself. The fear, the uncertainties and the confusion. The not knowing if doing my best would be enough. I am going to make mistakes. Probably many. Could I cope? Would I go where I was asked to go?
Finally, I thought of the paragliding analogy. It all looked different then, so I went to school the next day, kept out of the way of senior staff, and took apart the textile teacher's timetable, and worked out exactly what would be required of me. That afternoon, at the end of school I gave them my list of necessities, requests and concerns.
I heard nothing for days. They kept saying they were having meetings and more meetings, and it was so frustrating not actually knowing. I was given a new timetable and sent for some of the training I asked for, and to observe excellent teaching. All the staff seemed to know I would be teaching. Just not me. Today, I decided I had to know, so I asked. Oh, we have your new teaching timetable, they said. What? I have had no discussions, been at none of the meetings, and no-one has talked to me about anything. I pointed this out, and said that there was a great deal that still needed to be discussed, not least my salary. Yes yes, but you start teaching on Thursday next week. Hmmm. Open doors are good. Opportunities are good. I am, however, not an idiot. I did not ask for this, or volunteer. I don't know how it will work out. But I am not going to do any of it without first discussing the implications with the powers that be. Their expectations might be unrealistic. I will find out about that on Monday. My deadline, not theirs. I can't just drift into this. But I do think this is what I am supposed to do.
So there you have it. It looks as though I am going to be a teacher. This seems to be where all those doors are leading me. There is no way this was in the plans. My plans. God's? Probably. I just know I can't do any of it alone. Next Thursday I could be on that tandem paragliding flight. Heaven only knows what He has planned for me next.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Half asleep
You know you are getting old when you fall asleep in the rocking chair for the second night in a row. Around 8.30pm. Still wearing the jacket you came home from work in, and still with boots on. Sigh. All of a sudden 29 seems a long time ago. Who am I kidding.... it WAS a long time ago. Maybe it is because I work with people my kids' ages. My sentance construction seems a bit discombobulated tonight too. You know what? Too bad. I am not being graded here.
It has been crisp and very cold today. And there is actually snow in Switzerland, you will be relieved to hear, especially if you are contemplating a ski trip in half-term, which is just 2 weeks away. I am not contemplating anything. I wish I was. I am tired, but I have already mentioned this ad nauseum. All I seem to have the energy for is work at the moment. This is not how I want to be. I suppose it does take a great deal of adjustment, and while I love what I do, I do not want it to consume me. I need to still be me, and have time for my friends and family. So many new things to adjust to. New job. New people. New church. New is good. I just don't want to lose the old. There we are, back to the old word again. Groan.
I phoned the Coroner a couple of days ago to see if by any remote chance he had an idea of when the inquest was likely to be. My optimism knows no bounds. No. He is still waiting for 2 or 3 more doctors' reports, and only after all the papers are in will he put it on the list. I asked, with considerable restraint, if it was likely to be this year. "I hope so" he replied. It is January. I am not holding my breath. And am I the only one wondering how reports written over 6 months after the event can be in any way accurate? The inquest will be interesting. I have the right to ask questions. Oh yes, I will be asking questions.
On a lighter note, Roger Federer played the match of his life today in the Australian Open.... I wish I could have watched it. I do like Roger. And tennis. The weekend is nearly here. February will soon arrive, and then spring won't be far away. Now that is a good thought.
It has been crisp and very cold today. And there is actually snow in Switzerland, you will be relieved to hear, especially if you are contemplating a ski trip in half-term, which is just 2 weeks away. I am not contemplating anything. I wish I was. I am tired, but I have already mentioned this ad nauseum. All I seem to have the energy for is work at the moment. This is not how I want to be. I suppose it does take a great deal of adjustment, and while I love what I do, I do not want it to consume me. I need to still be me, and have time for my friends and family. So many new things to adjust to. New job. New people. New church. New is good. I just don't want to lose the old. There we are, back to the old word again. Groan.
I phoned the Coroner a couple of days ago to see if by any remote chance he had an idea of when the inquest was likely to be. My optimism knows no bounds. No. He is still waiting for 2 or 3 more doctors' reports, and only after all the papers are in will he put it on the list. I asked, with considerable restraint, if it was likely to be this year. "I hope so" he replied. It is January. I am not holding my breath. And am I the only one wondering how reports written over 6 months after the event can be in any way accurate? The inquest will be interesting. I have the right to ask questions. Oh yes, I will be asking questions.
On a lighter note, Roger Federer played the match of his life today in the Australian Open.... I wish I could have watched it. I do like Roger. And tennis. The weekend is nearly here. February will soon arrive, and then spring won't be far away. Now that is a good thought.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
It actually snowed
Oh yes it did. All of about 2 centimetres of it. Real snow. We woke to a white world, but it was gone soon enough. It is still a novelty in a way, and I gather that everyone waiting for the school bus had a snowball fight this morning. Snow and kids, whether they are 17 or not, always = fun.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Cobwebs and crumbs
The vicar and his wife came to tea, and the dust was fine. It helped that the sun was not shining. The cobwebs were not so visible. I was to be seen grovelling on the floor picking up the biggest crumbs just as the bell rang, to my son's amusement, but then I just tossed them onto the floor again. I mean, how can you greet visitors with a handful of crumbs, I ask? Just feeding the birds as you toss them into the garden before closing the door? No, I don't think so. I would have had them thinking I was decidely odd. In true blogging fashion, I feel it necessary to announce that I will be doing the housework. Soon. If nothing more interesting comes up. Maybe. You will be the first to know.
Today I did an "assertive discipline in the classroon" training course. Tomorrow I am on an observation timetable, observing excellent teachers in the classroom. Nothing has been confirmed yet re work, but I seem to be on a crazy meteoric rise up the educational ladder. Completely unexpectedly. I will tell all as soon as I can, but at this rate I will be Chief Inspector of Schools by September. Or Education Secretary. Quite ridiculous. And very amusing too. I walked into a textile class today, and so help me, the kids were being taught to sew zippers in using zigzag stitching. What???? On chiffon. WHAT???? Where was the calico? Not a zipper foot in sight. My muttering became quite distinct at that stage. Good grief. The mind boggles.
So, apart from iced up cars this morning, work, supermarket dash on the way home, vicar to tea, cooking supper, and house group this evening, it has been an uneventful day. According to the news, yesterday was supposed to be the most depressing day of the year. I have no idea why. It does seem a little random, but apparently it is fact. Certainly there seemed to be a lot of foul moods about. Isn't it amazing how one person in a bad mood can change the entire atmosphere in a department? Maybe there is some truth there. Just as well yesterday is gone then. It is out of the way for the rest of the year.
Today I did an "assertive discipline in the classroon" training course. Tomorrow I am on an observation timetable, observing excellent teachers in the classroom. Nothing has been confirmed yet re work, but I seem to be on a crazy meteoric rise up the educational ladder. Completely unexpectedly. I will tell all as soon as I can, but at this rate I will be Chief Inspector of Schools by September. Or Education Secretary. Quite ridiculous. And very amusing too. I walked into a textile class today, and so help me, the kids were being taught to sew zippers in using zigzag stitching. What???? On chiffon. WHAT???? Where was the calico? Not a zipper foot in sight. My muttering became quite distinct at that stage. Good grief. The mind boggles.
So, apart from iced up cars this morning, work, supermarket dash on the way home, vicar to tea, cooking supper, and house group this evening, it has been an uneventful day. According to the news, yesterday was supposed to be the most depressing day of the year. I have no idea why. It does seem a little random, but apparently it is fact. Certainly there seemed to be a lot of foul moods about. Isn't it amazing how one person in a bad mood can change the entire atmosphere in a department? Maybe there is some truth there. Just as well yesterday is gone then. It is out of the way for the rest of the year.
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