Well, January is now a part of our combined histories, people. Over. Done. Gone. It did not go as planned, did it. Well, not here at RCR, anyway.
A new month now. February. February reminds me of an unbearably hot summer 29 years ago, when I was 9 months pregnant. The southern hemisphere, of course. No chance of unbearably hot anything up in the north! Diana was born in the middle of February, and then in February last year, this little family welcomed Missy into our ranks. What an impact one small girl has had, much like her Auntie did 29 years ago. February has brought such blessings to my life. I like February.
As each of my children arrived, their presence changed me forever, and expanded my life in unimaginable ways. They continue to add dimensions I had never considered as each year passes, and they introduce so many new ideas, places, thoughts and possibilities to my life. Heaven only knows what comes next! My granddaughter has done just the same. She changed me into a Granny, and a whole new world unveiled itself when that happened.
The rhythm of my days up here in the Alps is very different to my normal life. It hinges on the fact that I don't know what tomorrow holds. When I will go back. How I will go back. How long I need to stay. It is as though life is suspended. Temporary. Unplanned. (By me, that is.) I am "winging it". I am an expert at winging it. Caught up in the winds of life, not certain where they will deposit me, or if there is about to be a tornado to sweep me up and alter the course of my life yet again. These are things I am familiar with, let me tell you. Uncertainties. Changes. Detours.
I am in a philosophical mood at the moment. All the above is a long-winded way of saying that my truth for today is this.......
This is not temporary.
This is not being in limbo.
This is not random.
This is not haphazard.
This is my life.
I have just been shifted from the driver's seat. Again.
I can spend my days wondering, worrying, planning ahead for all unknown eventualities.
I can embrace every day as it comes, and enjoy every moment.
It may be for another few days. It may be for another week or 2. It may be.... I have no idea. For now, this is my life. I am needed. But I cannot and will not spend each day pondering what ifs etc. Tempting though that is at times. When I feel the brain delving into dark and worst case scenario places, I have to get up and move and do something constructive. If you could see the mountain of hooky stuff, you will understand that there has been a lot of "Doing Something Constructive" going on around here. And I am tired of waging a war with my thoughts. Lawyers, hospitals, paperwork, meetings....they can all wait. In the greater scheme of things they are unimportant.
February is going to be a month of celebration for me. Celebration.
Two wonderful girls. Girls I am far away from , but we are not going there right now....
Unexpected time with my sister.
Walking in the mountains.
An abundance of snow.
A (much warmer) cosy place called home.
For now. For as long as it is necessary. The real world is not waiting for me. THIS is the real world.
This white world, full of beauty, is my reality today.