Monday, July 26, 2010

While I sleep........

I am in that "whirling dervish of the mind" state again. It is approaching 1am, and here I am. Wide awake. Black coffee next to me. Am I the only one who needs to micro-manage everything and everyone around me?

It is ridiculous, I know. Having to be the lynch pin or oracle is not a talent. It is a disaster, because after a little while, it is what you are expected to be. And that takes away initiative from those you manage. Not to mention that it totally wipes you out.

Oh well. I am a work in progress.

I have some words I want to delve into soon on my mind. Linda wrote a wonderful post on the words "always" and "never", and it made me think a great deal. And another word was "regrets". But to be honest, I don't feel like writing right now. I am letting my fingers play on the keyboard and we will see where they lead.

Soon I will tumble into bed, you see, and while I sleep, the world will keep turning. The clock will keep ticking away the minutes of my life, and my daughter will get on another plane, which will take her home to NZ. While I sleep, planes will fly around the globe. Ships will keep sailing through the seas.

While I sleep, my garden will keep growing, and I wonder what surprises I will have when I wander out there in the soft morning light. Which lily will have decided to awake, and tentatively open its petals to the world?

While I sleep, people will die, and babies will be born. And half the world will be awake and going about their day, and the other half will be curled up in their beds, dreaming of days yet to come, dreams yet to be fulfilled.

It is already tomorrow. Today. And I have yet to say farewell to today. Yesterday. I am caught between the days and the nights. And I think back to that day-night 4 years ago when there was no end to one day..... it fell into the next in endless hours.

But that was then and this is now, and I am surrounded by lists of things I need to do. Tomorrow. Today. The floor won't be cleaned while I sleep. Nor will the vacuuming be done.

But while I sleep, my soul will rest. My body will relax. My hair will end up like a bird's nest. The phone won't ring (I hope), and the house will fall silent. Well it will after I switch off Sky news.

While I sleep, somewhere someone will be weeping. Someone will be suffering. I stand in the darkness of my garden, and I can't hear anything. Silence. The world - my world - is asleep. And here I am.

And while I sleep, 90% of the people who read this blog will be awake. Ahead or behind me in time. Ah well. Enough now, fingers. You have played enough for tonight.

It is time for me to sleep now.

6 comments:

Needled Mom said...

Oh man!!! I hate those sleepless, mind turning nights. I am better off just getting up and cleaning or whatever rather than doing nothing. I hope you can catch some shut eye soon, Linds.

Vee said...

Yes, yes, you've dragged me over here behind you. It's 9:34 am and I know that you are well ahead of me, you little control freak, you. Ha! Hope that sleep came and that it was healing and restorative and that you awoke with your mind as clear as a bell. Not so that you can micromanage, but so that you can do what the Lord has on your agenda for the day. I really hope that He wanted you to play. Just play.

Dawn said...

Your writing when you aren't even thinking what to say far surpasses most of the rest of ours!

I am one of those micro managers as well. I try to figure out everything when it is time to sleep. I hate it. But I am trying to learn to let go!

It will be hot today. I missed last week's terrific heat here when I was in Minnesota, where it turned out to be temperate while I was there. I had a good trip down memory lane and have been trying to capture it in my blog.

Have a good rest of the day! It is 10:10 a.m. here and I need to get busy on all of those things that don't get done while I sleep, or while there are 4 little girlies here!

Edith said...

I hope you had a good day and are now getting restful sleep. I've had several nights of having a hyperactive mind as well...it's not fun. But I enjoyed your writings about it.

Hugs

Isabelle said...

Maybe cutting out the black coffee might help a tad? Just saying.

Lovely piece of writing.

Dawn said...

Hope you're okay - it's been a few days since you blessed us with your thoughts and words.