Have you ever heard of the lateral collateral ligament??? No? Neither had I. Now I know exactly where it is, and how it feels when you tear it. What a stupid name. Lateral collateral. This does not suit. At all.
I was minding my own business teaching my year 8s in the last lesson of the day yesterday, and I turned to get something. My body turned. Unfortunately, because I was wearing rubber soled shoes, and the floor is a sort of rubber, my feet did not turn with me. And my knee felt instantly weird. I am moving all the time when I teach, whizzing about helping individual students, and doing stuff. I get bumped and bashed quite a bit. It goes with the territory.
However, with a class of year 8 boys about, I thought it unwise to check the knee then. So I creaked up the stairs at the end of the day to the staffroom, and had a look. "Good grief...what have you DONE???" was the general shriek from my friends. I don't know when last you looked at your knees, people, but they are seriously ugly things. Mine looked like an elephant's knee. Hideous. Swollen. With lumps and bumps which clearly do not belong there.
So I came home, rested it, took some anti-inflammatory capsules and thought that would be that. Until this morning. I was talking to my son on Messenger after I hobbled down the stairs, and he suggested calling NHS direct. This is a free NHS call line staffed by nurses, and I spoke to a delightful lady who told me to go to A and E. So I did. And I have torn the lateral collateral thingy.
I am supposed to lie on the couch, with ice packs and pain killers and do nothing for a few days. Please tell me why this does not happen on a Monday??? On a Friday, it is most inconvenient. And while I love my couch, I do not like being told to lie on it. I like to choose to do so myself.
I glared at the man at the hospital, and his mouth was definitely twitching. Have you got plans for the weekend then, he said. Of course, I replied. I am doing a rock and roll marathon. And he roared with laughter. He told me that rest was an order. I told him I work full time and the weeekend is when I do everything else. Like live. Get on the couch he said. Unfeeling beast.
Anyway, I came home, collected David and we went shopping for his suit. And THEN I came home and lay on the couch. I nearly used one of those little electric cars at the shop, but David would have disowned me. I have always wanted to drive one.
See?????? Those are my toes in the distance. You need to share the couch here. As it is raining and positively wintery, I have the cloud over me. That is the softest fleece in the world. Known to my family as the cloud. And the ice pack is in place.
Judith??? I know what you are feeling. I empathise.
So this is the fun way to spend a Saturday. The friend who took me to the hospital reminded me that this is the second thing which has ground me to a halt while I have been working at the school. And he suggested that I leave before the 3rd thing happens. He could have a point.