Thank you all for your lovely comments...you are very sweet! I think I am going to call myself the Memory Maker.
The exhibition is on for another week, and I have to say that I really wish I did not have to be at work. I could help out more. I was there for about 3-4 hours on Saturday, and ended up with the mother of all headaches, came home and slept for hours. And so Sunday was a washout for me too, and I never did get all the things I have to do over the weekend done. I moved like a slug all day. Sigh. I will be playing catch-up all week. You know when you have to get up at 5.30am, come downstairs and iron your clothes for work, that things are not working well on the home front. But then, if I had not slept most of the weekend, I would probably not be functioning at all now.
I was chatting to my son last night, and we were discussing how much effort we need to put into everything we do (like exams) and I used my work as an example. It is not news to anyone that I am not wildly thrilled with my job. However, I am totally incapable of giving anything less than 110% to everything I do. It can be a failing. Believe me.
I wish that I could go to work, do what I am paid to do, come home and let it go. I can't. Every single day I set of to work, believing that maybe that day, things will be better if I work harder, try harder, have more patience, try different things, have more faith. And every day I come home, more exhausted than before. I give till there is nothing left, which is why I end up at the weekend, closely resembling a zombie. I don't know how to do it any other way.
If a child wants to talk, or work through break, then I am happy to be there, so I seldom have any break in my day. And then when I come home, my son says things like "Smile, Mum" as I drag myself through the motions of cooking dinner, and trying to spend some time with him. I have got the balance all wrong.
There has to be an easier way. I just never learnt how to take the easy option. I have always chosen the hard road, and I must be certifiable. It is my own doing. I know that. I can decide to do things differently. I am just very bad at that.
The trouble is that "going through the motions" is completely at odds with what I was trying to tell my son. I want him to put everything into what he does, and to do his very best. The one secret to making that work, though, is to absolutely love what you are doing. Doing something you love energises you immensely. Working towards a goal or realising a dream. And that is why I have always told my children that I don't care what careers they choose, just to make sure that they love what they are doing.
So it is time, I think, for me to listen to my own words of wisdom. I love doing other things. Like being a memory maker. Being a friend. Being a daughter and a sister. Being a Mum. Being creative. If you spend the greater part of your day doing something which is totally wrong for you, there is nothing left to focus on doing the stuff you love and are good at. Things, perhaps, which you were born to do. It is all about using those talents, isn't it? (My grammar is up the creek. I am too tired to bother.)
The quilts I make are not perfect. But then, neither am I. They are part of me, though. And they will outlive me, I think. I am full of dreams. The hard part is making those dreams reality. However, I have already wasted enough time on the things which don't matter much in the end.
I wish I could see round the next corner in the long and winding road......