Sunday, January 11, 2009

Hope ....

Tomorrow will come soon, you know. The day I have been waiting for. My friends are somewhat uncomfortable about how much hope I have attached to this hospital. Did I mention that "HOPE" is my word for 2009? I am to ponder the word, learn about it, and more than anything, instil the meaning in my heart. And that, people, is why I have hope for tomorrow and the coming days. I didn't choose it. It is a gift from God. Hope. I have hope in a great many things, and now I have to live out that meaning too.

Am I making any sense? I know what I am trying to say, anyway. Having hope means you are never overcome by circumstances. Not possible when there is hope in your heart, no matter what the head may be saying. You see, as I heard in church this morning, believing in your head is not enough. You have to believe in your heart. Now I am a good authority on the state of my heart at the moment, and I can say with assurance, that hope is there in buckets. Spades. Whatever. Loads of it.

My friends are reminding me that the hospital does not say it can cure CRPS, but that it can teach you to cope with it better. I still believe in complete healing. It can be done. And I am claiming that complete healing. The doctor in Switzerland said that he believes I can beat this, but that it will take 6-12 months of very hard work. That I can do. He says I have the right attitude. I will not give in and become a victim here. He has also seen people make complete recoveries. That is what I am focussing on. Hope.

Trust was last year's word. I learned a great deal about trust throughout the year. And in the end, trusting, which does not come easily to control freaks like me, was the freeing of my soul. I decided to do as my daughter once suggested and walk away from the quest for justice from one of the hospitals involved in Geoff's care. Less than a week later, I had a call which could possibly change the course of our lives. Trusting. Letting go. It is difficult for me, you see, because I have a mind which wants to peer round the corners ahead of me. I set out on journeys, visualising the roads ahead. I know where I am wanting to head. I go for the knowledge. I read, learn, file things away, so that I am prepared. So do you see how hard letting go and trusting can be? I am still a work in progress.

But that is different. Hope. So much potential in the word. The more sceptical of my friends will say, face the facts, look at this logically, don't get your hopes up, be prepared for disappointment. I listen, and I know. I KNOW that the hope in my heart is right.

You see, I believe that my leg was damaged for a reason. That I have been forced to rest for a reason. That I have been stopped in my tracks for a reason. That I have been led to Bath for a reason. That my life has undergone a revolutionary change for a reason. That I have been given the time to look inward for a reason. That I may not know that reason yet, but that it is all part of a plan for my life. I can shrivel up in a ball on the couch, wail oh woe is me, and become a victim, or I can look up and say, I may not know the reason, but I understand that there is one, so when you are ready, let me know. Soon would be good. But in the meantime, I will do whatever I have to do to get better.

If I had not damaged myself in June, I would not have had the time to read as much. Or spend time with dear friends. Or work on the quilts and gifts, or have time with my son. Or had the time to just be still. I wouldn't have had the time to teach Margaret to make her quilt. And she would not have been here helping in my garden. I would not have spent as much time on the computer, or blogging. I would not have discovered new friends. I would not have forgotten the days of being sworn at, or pushed about. I would not have learned that I can be even more frugal than I was before, and that is saying something, let me tell you! I would not have learned how to accept help graciously. I would not have had to let people stand in the gap for me. I would not have learned how to receive. Giving is so much easier. I would not have learned humility. Or how difficult life can be when you can't walk fast, or on uneven paths. I would not have had the time to think as much.

Being forced to rest has, in retrospect, been a huge blessing to me, although not to my hips. But that can be dealt with in time. It is in preparation for something. I just don't know what right now.

But I have hope. And because of that, I am going to Bath tomorrow. I will keep believing in my heart. And in my head.


Anonymous said...

Oh Linds this post brought tears to my eyes. I love your word for this year, how appropriate. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and hope that your health improves each and every single day.

p.s. thanks for the lovely comment on my blog.
May I add you to my blogroll?

Penless Thoughts said...

Wonderful post, Linds. I wish I had known your word was "hope" for I would have put it in my post about the words I knew God had given some of us.

It is said, The distance from the head to the heart is the greatest distance in the world. It is so.

Vee ~ A Haven for Vee said...

And I will hope with you and we will put our hope in Him who is the Great Physician and believe that all things work together for good. (I can't tell you how happy this blogging buddy has been that you are out of those classrooms where you were not appreciated nor treated with any respect. Quilting classes for adults? That sounds like fun and is one of the things I would love to do.)

Laurie in Ca. said...

Sweet Linds,

I am walking in HOPE right along side of you and I DO understand what you are saying here. Hope and Content seemed to be my two words for last year and they have carried over to this year. I believe that heaven is the limit when we put our hope in the Lord. He tells us to ask boldly and I am asking for you. He will go before you to Bath tomorrow and He will guard your heart. I love you girl and will be praying.

Love and Hugs, Laurie

Linda said...

Hope - confident expectation. It is my word for this year as well Linds. Wrapped up in that word is the absolute faith that the Father is in the process of working all things together for good in my life. It is overlaid with trust I think. We know who He is, so we have a hope that cannot be crushed.
I am hoping with you - knowing that He is in control and will answer the deepest prayers of your heart. I'm praying for you too.

txmomx6 said...

I loved this Linds.
My word is CHOOSE. And I will choose to have hope, for me and for you. A lot of people hoping for you ... what an amazing thing.
I am thinking and praying for you and Bath. And will await the news. I will choose to TRY to wait patiently, but it will be difficult.

Dawn said...

Wonderful, wonderful thoughts - you could preach the sermon at your church with just such words. Can't wait to hear the results at Bath!

Barb said...

Hope is the perfect word for you for this new year, Linds. Of course you have hope. And I believe in complete healing too. And I'm praying for that, for you.

Mary said...

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

I am chanting like crazy here!

Hand in hand I'll walk the walk
Optimism as my calling card
Prayerfully anticipating,
Embracing His will.

Needled Mom said...

We are all joining in your year of HOPE, Linds. I know that you do have the determination to work through this no matter the length of time it will take.

Good luck tomorrow. It should be approaching your new beginnings as I write this.

Wanda said...

Very beautiful post. Your perspective seems very positive. I'm new to your blog and am not sure about your current position. But, it appears whatever you are going plan to WIN!
So, from me to you.....YOU GO GIRL!

I wish you were my neighbor. You have a great attitude!

MG said...

If you had not had time to do all those personal things, we would not have been able to benefit from the words you write. What a beautiful focus on Hope.

God go with you on Monday.

Sandra said...

What a wonderful post Linds, I'll be praying for you and thinking about you tomorrow.

Crystal said...

I just love the entries you craft with words!! You are 100% right about this feeling of hope and I agree that with God anything is possible. Your summary of all that's happened is amazing!

And even more amazing is that my word for this year is TRUST!!! It is absolutely amazing how much our lives are the same or at least tuned in to the same things. When I see your entry today, I am even more convinced that this is the right word for me this year.

((( HUGS ))) - may you feel God's presence in everything that happens tomorrow!!

Stickhorsecowgirls said...

You have the gift of faith and you express it so beautifully! Prayer is powerful, although the enemy taunts us to give up. I'll be praying for your healing!

Diane@Diane's Place said...

Hoping and praying for the best possible outcome for you at Bath, Linds. The Great Physician is in control of those earthly physicians and He wants only the best for you.

Much Love,


Jan said...

Hope...such a simple word but so full of meaning and anticipation. You are in my prayers dear one...Hugs to you!

meggie said...

First up, Bump's first quilt is seriously gorgeous!!
second, well, hugs, & good luck!!

Luanne said...

I loved this Linds. And we are all hoping and believing for you too.

What a beautiful outlook you have. Finding your blog was a God send and getting to know you even if it is only through the wires makes me feel connected to a special woman.

Joyful Days said...

Thank you, Linds. You posted much of what I've had on my heart recently.

Hoping with you in 2009.


Judith said...

Linds, What I've seen since the first time I read your blog, is a woman dealing with losses and changes most of us might not handle so well. But you do, and you do it with such grace, and admirable spunk.
When you deal with still another medical place and its people, and all the frustrations of that, hold on to His promises, and know that God is rewarding you for your tremendous Faith.

Marsha said...

I came across your blog from a feed to mine at "Breathings of the Heart" and have spent the last couple of hours reading your blog. What beautiful insights you share and love that permeates through your words. Thank you for sharing, so opening, you journey.

On another note--do you mind if I place a link to your blog from my blogsite?