Joy..............

 I forgot my word for the year for 2012. 

Probably somewhere around the 5th January. I am a star. So, I went in search of it in the January archives, and discovered it in my last year's State of the Nation Address. And what is more, it is a simple short word, and I have it all over the house.  It is also Mum's name, and I STILL forgot it! And, after reading last year's end of year effort, I decided that I have turned into a grumpy old woman. What happened to the woman who wrote last year's post? 

She seems to be MIA. 

My word was JOY. 

And that is when I realised that I was an idiot, because you see, somewhere along the line, I also forgot to consciously look for that joy. To go in search of it. I was so busy paddling in circles, trying to stay afloat, that I lost sight of it.

Joy. A little word of three letters. With so much meaning. I almost feel like keeping it another year. Now I remember why I bought the little red word and put it in the nook. Now I remember why I have it up in scrabble letters. 

Hey.

I am human.

I forgot it.

So let us hope that I do better in 2013.

I do believe I will re-read a couple of the Mindfulness books which line my shelves. To remember how to focus on the small things and see the world through wide open eyes. I sometimes miss the beauty of the small things under my nose when my focus is on the horizon. The distant. The far away. 

I am still a dreamer, you see. 

Oh, you would laugh.... Yesterday, I saw this question posed somewhere - What is your greatest achievement of 2012? 

What? 

Achievement?

I need an achievement?

I nearly had a panic attack trying to come up with something. Every single thing I could think of was small, insignificant, and totally useless. Well, I thought so. Crochet? Toss it over the shoulder. Piddling. Doll's clothes? Ditto. Full tins of biscuits? Sigh. Clean windows? Groan. Standing Christmas tree? Don't be ridiculous. Garden? No. Not in 2012. How about "I survived"? Don't be dramatic, Linds. 

Achievement. Accomplishment. Success. Plaudits. Medals. 

I even asked my sister. 

Something measurable. Visible. (If only to me.) (Insert much drumming of fingers on desk) (Insert even more dramatic sighing.)

And then I remembered the nook. Oh Eureka! Something visible! Tangible! Pretty! Never mind that friends had a great many hands in it too. I am happy to share the collective praise. The nook! My achievement of the year! Well, that and the new study and the organisation of the sewing room. And then I was on a roll. What about the UFOs and WIPs that have been finished. Yes, add them to the pile. 

I have an achievement. I can rest. 

Sometimes you cannot measure things in your life only in terms of achievement. Sometimes, just the everyday enjoyment of life, the laughter and the pottering is enough. Is contentment an achievement? It may be fleeting, but it comes now and then! In all seriousness though, I do not see achievement in and of itself as a goal of mine. That implies success, recognition, and all the hoopla. Let's be frank here, that is unlikely to happen. Mind you, I did once dream of being  serene. It was just a dream. 

So I will not be worrying about achievements at all. Not now that I have found something. Actually, what does concern me a little is that for the first year I can remember, I have not been able to cross off something from the List of Things To Do Before I Die. It is a comprehensive list of many things from books to read to seeing the Aurora Borealis. And this year has been a slow year. I may have to add the nook to the list and then cross it off. Hah. Genius. 

Actually, what is even more concerning is the fact that I couldn't come up with a Best Song or Best Movie in the "Best Of" list either. I have only seen one movie this year. In a cinema. That would mean a new current movie. And I haven't listened to a great deal of music either. Music and I have been having a love/hate relationship lately. 

I need to make a few changes around here. 

New Year's Resolution #1: Do things. 

That is enough, I do believe. Oh yes.............. and remember the word of the year this time. I am waiting a while to see if I am meant to keep "Joy" for another year. You will be the first to know, believe me.