Saturday, October 13, 2007

Inquests and walks in the forest....

Right. Let me tell you what happened at the inquest. Briefly.

The Coroner delivered an open verdict, which essentially means that we know nothing. The inquest process is an inquisitorial one, and does not apportion blame. It is to find out how and why Geoff died. And we have a surgeon who is convinced it is one thing, a pathologist who says another, and the post mortem still another. All are hypotheses. And the verdict has to be based on provable evidence. And add to that, an outside pathologist, asked to review the documentary evidence, says he has no idea what it could have been. All are agreed, that for a very ordinary quiet man, he died an extra-ordinary death, in that it has flummoxed the medical fraternity.

Paraphrasing the Coroner, .....either they are too stupid to find out what the infection was, or it never existed. But then that does not explain the huge abscess cavities around his aortic valve, so could it have been mechanical? Well, where do those cavities come from? Rejection? But these valves are not rejected. So could it be a first? Was there anything wrong with the valve? But then why would it take so long to fail? The surgeon said he had never seen such a sick heart. How did it happen in 2 weeks? Whatever the infection was, if it was there, it is unknown to the pathologists. And if it was there and then disappeared, how did that happen?

So.

Why did he die? I have no idea. Neither do they. It is a mystery.

I half expected an open verdict, I have to say, but it still leaves so many questions. The Coroner apologised to me for the verdict, saying he knew how important answers were to the family, but in the absence of provable evidence, he had no option. I understand that.

So here I am in the Alps, and it is the best place to be. I went up the first part of the mountain in the gondolas this morning and walked down through the forest, and the peace and quiet was balm for the soul. All I could hear was the sound of leaves rustling as they fell to the ground and distant cowbells, and as the fog of the early morning lifted, I was surrounded by "my" mountains, and I felt as though there was a lesson there in all that beauty. Life is for living. I need to focus on the future.

This is the time to charge the batteries. Mine were running on empty, I have to say. Trying to slow down a mind which has been going at breakneck speed 24hrs a day is somewhat of a challenge, but I live in hope. I am looking out at the garden and I can see Mum raking the leaves, and Marge is mowing the lawn. I think I need to go and help.

So here are a few photos for you to see.
It gets cold at night, so we lit the fire last night.....
And here I am huddled under the leopardskin (fleece, I hasten to add) blanket on a couch....
And this is what the sky looked like this morning.....

Walking to the gondola station, look at the fog, and how the mountain soars out of it......

I sat here for a while and just listened to the silence. And the cowbells came closer.......

Hello there......

I love the forest. I love the trees. I love the light through the trees.

And I love this view of the valley as I came out of the forest. I never get tired of it. I keep taking photos... but this was today.

6 comments:

Morning Glory said...

Linds, I've thought of you so much in the last few days and I pray with all my heart that you will find the peace and rest you so deserve while in Switzerland. The photos are incredibly beautiful and food for the soul.

Susie said...

Dear Linds,
Like MG, you've really been on my mind. I can see why Switzerland is a perfect place for you to just rest and let go of some of that stress.
Your pictures are just idyllic.
xoxo

Kelli said...

I'm so sorry there were no definitive answers.

However, my heart is glad you are in a place of peace and rest and beauty. How I wish I could just come be there with you.

Linda said...

I'm sorry you didn't get the verdict you so wanted Linds. I pray that now you will be able to find peace and renewal in spite of that. You are in such an astoudingly beautiful place. The pictures are breathtaking. I can only imagine how amazing it is to walk in that quiet place. I am so glad you have this time. I pray the Lord will speak peace to your soul and draw you into His presence.

Penless Thoughts said...

The two pictures of the mountain coming out of the fog say it all!!!
Susan

Barbara said...

Glad to see the photo - I will recognise you now.

I have a similar photo of the cows with their bells just like the one in yur video.