Monday, January 03, 2011

Well, hello, 2011.......

Three days into the New Year, and I have not posted a thing here. Well done, Linds. A great start. It has been a busy time, and I have been thinking about the future, and the present, not to mention a little bit about the past, and pondering the word I want to choose for this year. I have, in other words, been "doing" not "being".

I have just been back to the start of last year to see what I wrote about choosing a word. I didn't say much. Hmmm. Just as well, because I was spectacularly bad at remembering my word. This year, please remind me if I forget. I need reminders. Often.

So, like Linda, I am choosing the word "quiet" this year.

Pop over and read her post. I could have said all the things she said so well. And in my comment afterwards, I wrote ....

"Linda, this should be my word too. I have been thinking and praying about it, but there is so much noise in my life, and mostly generated by me, I think. Your verse sums up what I need to be saying too, because last year, my word was hope, and I kept forgetting it. Today I was mulling over the words simple, listen, silence, patience, slow, peace and acceptance. Maybe the word I need to hear is "quiet". It encompasses all of those. I need to pray more. I will let you know. I am a warrior type. And I need to be more of a Mary, and forget the Martha. Am I making any sense at all? Sigh. Silence. Quiet.....where do I find it at the moment.... not easy."

Simple. Peace. Silence. Patience. Acceptance. Listen. Slow. Add them all together, and you get QUIET. No more fighting. No more warrior stuff. But stepping back and waiting. Patience is not my strong suit. I talk too much. I keep moving. Acceptance on two levels. One, that I will probably never get better. So deal with what I have, and count my (many) blessings. And two, wait. Be patient, and let the professionals fight on for me with the hospitals, instead of trying to search for answers and that sort of stuff. Hands off. Accept that I can't do it all. Retreat to the couch, and practice listening, waiting, and patience. And you never know, if I can master the quietness, I may one day reach that illusive goal of serenity. One lives in hope.

I can tell you now that the doctors at Bath will throw their hands in the air and yell "Eureka! She has got it at last!" and the friends who run the Mindfulness course I went on will grin, and say, "This is what we are talking about!"

Ok, so I am a little slow seeing the point. I admit that.

I have spent my life making things happen. And this year, I am going to try to let things happen without me in the driving seat. For a born control freak, this is a mega challenge. But if I embrace silence, and listen, I think I will finally hear more of the soft words I long for. Instead of making so much noise that I can't hear myself think. (Good grief, that sounds ridiculous when I re-read it. But I know what I mean.) And maybe I will finally conquer the pacing quest.

My accomplishments of 2010 are pitifully small. I learned to crochet, and I love it. I have become used to living on a shoestring and am an expert on frugality. I also ended the year with stripey hair. No-one can say I am boring. Among the highlights of 2010, being able to spend some time with Diana is top of the list. There were others things too of course. Being able to visit friends in Scotland. See my family. Be in the mountains.

And now there is a brand new year ahead, with so many possibilities. So many dreams. So this year, instead of the disastrous start we had to 2010 with Mum in hospital and Glynis breaking bones, and Diana in hospital, I sincerely hope it is calmer. Tranquil. Peaceful.


Oh Lord, what a challenge.


Stripeyspots said...

Well hello and welcome to 2011 Lindsay! I was wondering what was happening up in your little canton...

Vee said...

Well then, I shall be heading over to read the link for it sounds good. I like that you're going to give yourself a break for being who you are. That sounds healthy. Perhaps I'll follow suit and do the same. Nah. That wouldn't be my style. ;>

Linda said...

I am so glad we are doing the same word Linds. You can keep me accountable.
I was thinking more about it and another bit of quiet I need to work on is not trying to be the Holy Spirit for my family. The Lord is quite capable of speaking to them without my assistance :-)
One other aspect of quiet just popped into my head too. I need to stop talking so harshly to myself. I tend to be very hard on myself when I don't live up to my own expectations. So there...a bit more for me to work on.
I, too, am a control freak - so perhaps the Lord is going to use this to cause us to trust Him more and find a real sense of peace.

Needled Mom said...

I really like the idea of choosing a word for the new year and I love the one you have chosen. We should all give that one a try as I am sure we could all use a bit of quiet in this hectic world. It will be fun to follow you through.

Glad this year has started off better for you

Crystal said...

I like your choice of a word. It really is difficult to switch from being busy, parenting and working to a new time in life, isn't it? And the opinions of society are hard to put aside in order to have these quiet moments and days. I'll be watching to see and hear how this plays out :)

I finally have committed - the word for me must be "Move More". I owe it to my body and to myself to get healthier. I can live with the weight but the body shape and the heart and lung fitness must change. Please keep me accountable!