Monday, February 26, 2007

A year ago

Today, I am thankful for:
  1. Sleep
  2. Time to relax
  3. Warm home
  4. Chat with my daughter
  5. Powerpoint conquered

And lovely messages from friends who worry about me. Year 10 girls who were stars today, a son who cheerfully unpacks the dishwasher, the prospect of an early night. Lots of little things. They matter.

Tomorrow it will be a year since Geoff's first heart op. A year. It seems like a life time sometimes, and just a blink of time at others. How life has changed in that year. I never for a second considerd the possibility that he might die. He only lived another 4 months. It seems so unreal still. If I could have looked down the tunnel of time a year ago, there is no way on earth I could have envisaged my life as it is today. And thank heavens I am not given to speculation about the future, because I do not want to begin to think about where next year will see us all. The past year has been a rollercoaster of epic proportions.

The one thing I am sure of though, is that the love of family and special friends will continue to be as steadfast as it has always been. Wobbly times are allowed.

So, a year on from back then, just 365 days ago, what is this family's "State of Nation"? Andrew and Ann are happy, settled and working hard. My son has matured into a very special and caring man. I am so proud of him. Diana is settled and happy in New Zealand, and living her life to the full, and likewise, I am so proud of her too. And David is here, and has also matured beyond recognition, into a gentle, happy young man, with his whole life ahead of him. Proud of him? Oh yes.

And me? Teaching full time, being a Mum, daughter, sister, friend. Facing decisions about initiating a lawsuit, inquests, juggling finances, and just managing one day at a time. Housegroup, church, book club and allotment. Books, blogging, emails and long baths. (Drowning books in those baths on a regular basis.) Older. Greyer. Wiser. Quieter. More introspective.

Different. Very different.

And faith? Immeasurably greater. Stronger. Nearer. Refined by fire.

This is not a sad post. I am not sad tonight. Weary. But grateful we have all got this far, and hoping that serenity is not an impossible dream.


Sandy. said...

Serenity is not impossible. It can't be. It's my dream too.


Linda said...

I didn't know all of this as I just started reading your blog a short while ago. You have had a very eventful year. I know what those are like.
I am thankful we have a God who holds all of our tomorrows in His hands. He loves us and will never let anything happen to us that doesn't first pass through those loving hands. He sustains us and gives us peace where it doesn't seem possible there could be peace.
I'm so thankful you have experienced that.

someone else said...

It's peculiar how as I read this I didn't get a sense of sadness. You did not sound sad, as you said you weren't. It actually had a tone of hope and the serentiy you're seeking. Blessing, Linds.

Butterfly Mama said...

I agree with morning glory you do sound peacefully grateful for what you have. Hugs and kisses though as I'm sure it is still very difficult - being refined by that fire. God is great. Your attitude is a testimony to that!

Calico Sky said...

I had no idea what this post was going to be was beautiful.

I am not sure if I ever thanked you for leaving a nice comment on my blog a few weeks ago,thank you!

You are a very strong person...

Susan said...

I didn't get the feeling of sadness either but of confident hope. "In the fear of the Lord is strong confidence: and his children shall have a place of refuge." Proverbs 14:26