You want to know how I am today? Really? Are you sure?? Positive?
I am furious. Mad as a wet hen. Rope-able.
With whom? Why?
Because he is dead. Because he is not here. Because he is never going to be here again. Because my oven is dead. Because he would have fixed it in a heartbeat.
Did I say heartbeat?
The thing that killed hime when it stopped?
I am furious with his heart.
I am furious that it stopped.
I am furious that he is dead.
I am tired of coping with the mundane trivialities of the day. Broken ovens are up there at the top of the list, together with broken lamps, his test meter, straight curtain poles, getting in and out of the loft and lifting heavy things. Where was he when the toilet handle broke? When the hot water element needed replacing? When the microwave developed a life of its own? When the DISHWASHER broke. He could have fixed them all. He could and would have fixed everyone's broken things.
I am furious that he CAN'T.
I am furious because he didn't live so I could be furious with a PERSON.
Furious that he can't stomp off muttering "here we go again" when I get furious.
Just so you know.
I am furious.
That is all. Carry on.