I am here, you know. I have written posts most days and then I don't post them after all. I think I am soon going to have as many drafts sitting there as I have published posts. Sigh. Why? Well that depends on the day and the mood.
I have never been as exhausted as I have been in the past 6 weeks, and as I have said before, I am still trying to find the balance in my life now that I am working full time. I am not complaining, just wondering if this is really what I am supposed to be doing, that's all. Pondering. Cogitating. Mulling things over. Ad infinitum. And because I am so tired, I fall asleep in the middle of all the mental musing, ( and that has to be because I bore myself,) and then I never get to the stage where I see things clearly enough to make decisions, so we start all over again the next time I decide to weigh options. From the beginning. See????? Boring stuff.
The excitement of the day was when I boiled some eggs, and forgot about them, and they exploded. Do you have any idea how far exploding eggs can go? My kitchen reeks of the bits I have not discovered. Not the greatest. Oh, I vacuumed the house and I did the washing......... oops just forgot to put son's school uniform in the drier. I will be back in a sec. Done. And went to church. And worked. You need to hear all this. I am superwoman after all. I even combined all the leftovers into an interesting casserole this afternoon, and put it on to cook slowly, and then forgot to eat supper. See????? Something is not working properly here, and that would be me.
One of the things I am trying to work out is why I am finding it harder by the day to smile or laugh. Those of you who know me, know that this is not me at all. The work is hard, but that is what I expected. The kids are difficult, and I expected that too (but then I underestimated JUST how difficult they would be). I prepare as much as I can, but at the end of the day, I feel like I have been run over by a steam roller. I am an optimist and an idealist by nature, and the reality I work in tests that to the limit.
But, as the head of department from another school said to me this week.... it is just a job. Don't let it ruin your health.
It has just occurred to me that I wrote the post a while back about those plus and minus signs, and I need to listen to my own advice. I need to top up the plus signs. Falling asleep all over the place is not going to do it, especially when the clocks went forward this morning, and we lost an hour of sleep today. I need to get out there and get a life of some description. At least then, when my daughter phones and asks (as she did this evening) what I have been doing, I will actually have something to say. And something of an interesting nature to blog about too. Watch this space, and feel free to remind me of this.
I need a transfusion of rocket fuel.