My life is speeding up. Things are happening, and the timing could be better. In the middle of my class today I had a call to tell me that a tentative inquest date has been set in October. That means loads of calls and lawyers, and papers and insurance and dealing with "stuff". I know October is far away, but so much needs to be done before then. But at least I know it will be this year. And as one of my wise friends said, just hand it all over to the lawyer and let them do the work now.
The trouble is that I have invested so much of me in the fight till now. So many hours of research, reading, learning and asking questions. I have to take all my notes and papers to the lawyers to be copied and I am finding the thought of letting them out of my sight a little unsettling. I am weird. I know. I need to know that they will involve me in the development of the case. I need to know that I won't be sidelined or marginalised. I need to know that what I think and know counts too. Does this make any sense??
But my friends want me to be in a place where the sole responsibility is no longer just mine. As in, there are others fighting for me. I can see this will be beneficial. But the control is the one thing I have kept. When it is just me doing the fighting, I know I have to stay focussed and keep working. And before you all start telling me to read what I am writing, and remember that I have to let go and trust, (as I keep saying anyway) I KNOW. It is just difficult. Do as I say, not as I do. I know. I know.
It just matters more to me. I am my only medical case. My only legal case. I do not have hundreds of other clients to sort at the same time. I only have mine. I have researched the law firm I have chosen. I have done my homework. So why do I feel as though I know better? I clearly do not. It is like looking at your child's first teacher and thinking.... hey, what do you know that I don't? I know my child better. You will know the feeling well, I am sure.
So here I am, and I should be working and I can't. Too much crowding my mind. I am in medical expert mode. And fledgling lawyer mode. The mother/teacher/daughter/sister/friend mode is off somewhere else. This is not good. I need to trust. Letting go is not easy.
On a lighter note, my friends, Jane and Derek, are here in England on holiday, and were close enough for me to go and meet them after school. I met them at Stowe, and took them to the canal museum at Stoke Bruerne. We crossed over the canal at the locks, and sat and had coffee as we watched the narrow boats moving up and down. It was not raining. This was a pleasant change!
We are lifetime friends. The kind who pick up where we left off, no matter how long it is since we were in the same place at the same time. Our boys grew up together. Jane flew over for my 50th birthday, you know. What a wonderful surprise. She came all the way from Cape Town, a day after she finished radiation treatment. With no hair. How amazing is that. But she is well and happy and bubbling over with the joys of life. Just the person I needed to see today, and how thankful I am that we could get to see each other, even though it was just for a couple of hours.
8 comments:
Have been away (it didn't rain much in Perthshire) and am enjoying catching up on your blogs. The inquest thing must be very stressful. My sympathy.
How wonderful that you're going to see Diana. Yes, I entirely understand that you want to see her places too. I was like that when my daughters were away at university. It was much better when I could imagine them with the correct background.
"I need to know that I won't be sidelined or marginalised. I need to know that what I think and know counts too. Does this make any sense?? " It makes perfect sense.
So glad you got to visit with these dear friends. Friends like that are few and far between and real treasurers.
You are fine, Linds. And you are going to be fine.
((hugs))
Susan
I'm actually very much like you when it comes to letting "others do the work for me"...I always feel like they won't understand it as well as I do! It's unfortunate but lawyers and such are known for not really getting into the fight and not trying too hard...hurry up and do the bar exam then become your own lawyer! hehe How wonderful that you got to spend time with your friends:-) xox
I'll be praying for you as the days go by. It's good that you have a place to share your concerns. We are hear to listen. ((( HUGS )))
Sending a prayer that things will go smoothly during the inquest time.
xo
I'm not clear on all that is going on with the inquest Linds, but I don't think it's a lack of trust to keep informed and involved. I think the Lord expects us to use the wisdom and discernment He has given us. I pray that you will be able to be as involved as you want to be and that you will feel a peace about the parts you can't control.
How nice to visit with old friends. It's a real blessing!!
I love the look of those canal boats. We were tentatively planning such a vacation next summer over there, but I don't think the canal boat will be the choice. But we're still planning the trip over.
So good that you could spend time with those wonderful friends.
Love the pics you have posted.
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