In the middle of the night I was thinking.....
I love my children, but I hardly ever see any of them. I miss them.
I love the rest of my family but...ditto.
I love the sea, but I live as far from it as you can be, here in the UK at the moment.
I love the mountains, but there are no mountains here.
So why am I here?
A home, friends, the familiar.........
The night and the silence, the darkness and the stillness....they combine to make it easy to listen to the thoughts in my head. Did I imagine the simplicity of the list? Or was it a message? Am I listening to the right person here? Is it me, or is it Someone much bigger telling my heart something huge?
I don't know. I am uncertain.
Why do I keep these four walls and even the garden I love, when it keeps me from being free to be in the places I love more, with the people I love most of all? Shall I become a gypsy? Am I brave enough?
If you have wandered around the pages of Pinterest, you will know that there are loads of quotes, and sayings. So many resonate with my heart....
"If you want to know where your heart is, look to where your mind goes when it wanders".
"You are never too old to set a new goal or dream a new dream" (C.S.Lewis)
"Worry is like a rocking chair - it gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere."
"Home is the person or place you want to return to over and over."
"People cry not because they are weak but because they have been strong too long."
"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned so as to have the life which is waiting for us." (Joseph Campbell)
"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody." (Bill Cosby)
See? So many and I didn't even begin to start copying out the ones with more words. So I made a few boards of my own at Pinterest. One is called "Dreams". The other one is "Makes Me Smile". Maybe I need to go and see what I put in them. Really look at them.
I don't know. It is so easy to opt for the familiar and the safe, and then what am I missing? I could be missing out on the greatest days of my life - the adventures I was born to experience. I don't want what I own to be the defining thing in my life. There was another quote which made me really sit and think a while....."People were created to be loved. Things were created to be used. The reason why the world is in chaos is because things are being loved, and people are being used."
Over and over in the past few weeks, you have heard me say - I LOVE my garden. But I love Diana. Andrew. David. Ann. Missy. Mum. Marge. Peter. I love them so much more. I could grow a garden anywhere, couldn't I?
Maybe it is time to turn those dreams into reality. Leap off cliffs. (Metaphorically.) But first I need to get rid of all the stuff which is weighing me down. Clear the attic. Aim for 80 bags in 40 days. Or more. Strip away all the extras, and then....then maybe I will have mustered the courage to grab my life by the horns and steer it into the trade winds, and see where they take me.......