Tuesday, October 17, 2006

D Day 2

I am shattered. It has been a long and exhausting day. Liz and I went down to Oxford early, and had time to have a coffee and walk around a bit before we went to the meeting with the surgeon. He told me what his impressions were, and listened to mine. He told me the facts from his perspective and in the end asked what I was going to do next. I told him I had been waiting to speak to him before deciding, but that I was doing nothing in a hurry. I will take my time now. I have a lot to think about, and a lot to wade through. But it doesn't stop here. I can't leave it yet. And he understood.

The hardest part was the fact that his office was right outside the door to the unit where Geoff died. But then, I decided to look at that as a positive, as he was not in some ivory tower miles away, but right there where he was needed. The relatives' room, which I spent so many hours in, looked small and ordinary and not at all like the place that was my whole world for those dreadful hours.

I also believe he understands the "instinct" thing that I wrote about in my post last month (D Day) and that was good to hear. He also asked if I was medically trained. Hmmm. No I said. I have just learnt a lot. He said I used medical terminology with great confidence and clearly understood what I was talking about. Good. Did I ever mention that I grew up wanting to be a doctor? All through my childhood. Then I believed the teacher who laughed and said I did not have a hope in hell of getting into medical school when I asked her to fill in the application form I needed. So I walked away from a dream. I was stupid back then. I should have tried anyway, (I would have got in... I got good enough marks) but just didn't believe enough. Don't ask me why. But that was then and this is now, and my life has been just fine thanks.

So..... here I am. Tick another box to say I have faced one more hurdle. Lots still to go though. Mega big ones. I know I am being very vague at the moment, and not telling you anything real, but whatever I decide to do next could involve me moving onto another level of instant learning. So I am watching what I say for now. He was a nice man. I think I trust him.

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