Smiles

Such lovely things have happened to me today. I have had a difficult time for the past few weeks, and because I tend to be the one who "fixes" things and people when things go wrong, I always say "fine" when friends ask how I am. I am stupid. They believe me. My sister and best friend said stop. Say something like " I am having a rough time at the moment, but it will get better". A compromise.

So I kicked pride into touch, and did what they suggested. What happened? Well, I had calls from 2 friends I told. Another went out of her way to help in a wonderful way. My son was an absolute star, and another friend arrived at the door with a bunch of flowers and bottle of port, and said she wanted to see me smile again. The world did not fall in, and I am still smiling. It is ok to show vulnerability, and probably, because I am generally seen as strong and capable, it is good for people to see I am not invincible. That can be scary I suppose. The newsflash is that I am human. I don't know what I am doing half the time. I am scared sometimes, and I hurt too. Not so strong after all. And admitting it was the best thing I could have done. It is humbling.

My friend Nicky is turning 50 this week and is having a big party on Saturday. I am doing the tables for her, and am just starting to get ideas sorted in my mind. I must also venture into the loft to see where I have put all my party stuff. When I turned 50 and had my amazing party, it was cheaper to go to Ikea and buy cutlery than to hire it, so I have enough to cater for 80 odd. Not to mention all the things I acquired when Andrew and Ann got married as well. And while I am up there, I might as well sort the Christmas decoration boxes as well. That is a smart way of saying find them. We had someone come round the other day to offer insulation for lofts to save power, and it would have meant getting rid of all the boxes up there. I informed him that the insulation we already had, together with about 200 boxes was quite adequate thanks. Do not ask what is in the boxes. I have no idea, but they are "important". I think.