Friday, September 12, 2008

The knee...

I went.

I saw the Consultant.

In the distance.

He saw me.

From a distance.

I saw his registrar.

A new one.

Let's start from the beginning, he said.


I am losing the will to live.


I am starting to wonder if I am losing my mind. They don't know why it isn't getting any better. They are talking about scopes to see what is happening in the knee. And will clean it out if there is anything there. When? In a few weeks. They will write to me.

What do I do then? Rest and take painkilliers. Work is not thrilled. I am not thrilled. I sat in the car on the way back and said to my friend - am I imagining all of this? Is it real? Does it really hurt? Am I having a nervous breakdown? Is it all psychosomatic?

Then last night I took measurements of my knees again, and I took photos. They are hideous. It is swollen and mis-shapen. And hideous. But hey, that knee is not right. Not at all.
I am not going mad.

Am I????

15 comments:

Britt-Arnhild said...

Your patience is really haveing a hard time, isn't it!
My thoughs are with you.

Judith said...

No, Linds, you are not going mad, although you'd have the right to while getting through all those times of waiting again and again and again. I so wish I could make it better for you. In the meantime I am praying.

Vee ~ A Haven for Vee said...

No! You are most definitely not going mad. There is something wrong with that knee and those doctors need to get going. Enough!

Still praying...

Dawn said...

You are not going mad - but I am getting mad! For you! I wish I could whisk you over here to a great orthopedic specialist in our town!

Work - so do they want you to come and hobble around the halls?? Or be in a wheelchair?

Isabelle said...

No, that's definitely not a normal knee.

The human body is not that easy to mend, I've noticed over the years. Doctors can only do so much.

Sorry.

Mary said...

I know everyone else is trying really hard to be positive and brainwash you into thinking you're not going mad. Thing is, you just might be! Certainly not psychosomatic - cause those knees (especially the left) have something major going on with them. Your journey over the last few months would legitimize a little bit of madness. What's the mental health service like over there? Maybe you could go with the mad thing and then you can get your knee fixed while you have everyone's attention.

My daughter has just walked past and had a peek at what I was doing. Her response was "Oh my gosh!...they are swollen..." And she didn't know about your knee.

She did go on to say that they looked a bit like mine in their natural state . Of course I reminded her that my left knee was also injured. (weight gain accounts for the rest).

T.C.M.D

Crystal said...

How discouraging - and no, you are not going mad unless it's trying to understand the medical system. That knee does not look healthy to me. I'm praying that healing will be miraculous for you. God can do it - and He will - will be my motto for you!

Pam said...

Bless your heart, dear Linds. I'm sure after what you've been through that a diagnosis of "madness" might be a relief.

I am praying for some sort of treatment soon that will provide a measurable progress that encourages your heart.

Joyful Days said...

You certainly are not going mad, although you have every reason to be righteously angry.

I'm thinking who ever set up the health care system there is mad though. Makes me want to scream every time I read about their inactive approach.

meggie said...

I really sympathise with you! I have one knee somewhat similar, but I know I need a replacement! I take anti infammatories & live with it, but the day is coming when I must get on the waiting list- which is sure to be a year, anyway.

Jo said...

You're right Linds, that knee isn't right. I can only imagine the pain you are going through.

Olson Family said...

The arthoscopic surgery can help. They thought my ACL was completely torn but it was just partial - they removed the torn tissue and cleaned up the damaged cartilage. The damaged tissue can irritate and keep that swelling going. They can't see everything via MRI or Xray so the scoping could really give them answers and give you a road to healing. Will pray this process will move for you! Susan

Barbara said...

I'm sorry Linds to see that you are not getting any satisfaction about the cause of your knee swelling. It certainly seems tohave gone on for a long time.
Your Canadian gift looks fun and I am sure you will enjoy.
Glad computer is fixed.

Lori said...

Oh my Linds! You poor woman. I'll pray for your healing. How frustrating this must be!!

((HUGS))

Barb said...

Oh my word, no, you aren't going mad. But you should BE mad, which I think you are. For heaven's sake. There's obviously something very wrong with that knee.

What on earth is the matter with those people!